Wicked Philanthropy
by narquotic
Summary: The girl of his dreams was just in reach. They were childhood friends and classmates—but what the hell was she doing kissing their English lit. professor? And who would’ve thought that his annoying chem. lab partner offered to help...Hitsu/Ruki
1. The Samaritan Offer

I decided that I could accept Hitsu/Ruki. So heck, I think it has the same appeal as Ichi/Ruki, but the two seemed more in line with their ice zanpakutos so I thought—How Cute!! This is strictly Humor/Romance though, and maybe some angst/dram at the end.

Summary: The girl of his dreams was just in reach. They were childhood friends, classmates, confidants— but what the hell was she doing kissing their English lit. professor?? And who would've thought that he's annoying chem. lab partner offered to help him get over his heartbreak. HitsuRuki

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hitsugaya Toushiro was a calm and collected young man. He was a genius in his fruitful age of seventeen and attending as a second year college student in Seiretei University on a scholarship that paid everything, down to his tuition-and dorm expenses. His life was planned out before him. To become the most successful lawyer in Japan promised a bright future.

Most importantly, Hitsugaya Toushiro was lucky to spend the time with the girl of his dreams from childhood and to now.

Hinamori Momo was a god-sent to him.

She was everything a man like him ever looked for in a woman.

Dainty, cute, soft and utterly beautiful inside and out.

She was his confidant, and she had been friends with him ever since they were children. He even went to the same school as her just to be with the dark haired woman longer.

In short, Hitsugaya Toushiro was love struck. Completely smitten and devoted, not bordering on stalker mode, mind you, but rather the pure heart of a man in love, and pursuing the love of his life.

It sounds corny, we know. But hey! The definition of love comes in different packages. And the white haired young man got the whole Hershey and Kisses for the girl.

That was until that _asshole_ came and took all the limelight away.

Well, technically, it was more or less that they had no choice. He was, after all, their English Literature professor, Aizen Sosuke. And damn it! Why the hell did the man had to look so much like Superman!? It was unfair! And here he thought Hinamori wouldn't fall for the looks of some (handsome) jackass with a greater IQ, calmer disposition and had an aura of sexy maturity.

Okay…maybe some—no, _most_ girls would probably turn into a puddle of goo while flashing that irresistibly 'Come Hither' smile—which only pissed off the younger male even more.

And unfortunately, Hinamori was _not_ immune to such a smile.

What the hell was wrong with this girl??

Didn't he grow enough inches to pass beyond elementary? He was a freaking genius! He had stunningly white hair for god's sake! And he had a fan club all throughout high school and even now!

Hell, he sacrificed his whole social life to get into this university in the same year as her, and even specified the dorm building that would be nearest to hers. Again, he was not in stalker mode or anything—but the pure intentions of love.

Then why the hell was he unfortunate enough to walk in on the "girl of his dreams" and his jerkface of a teacher? Why? Why fucking why??

While the obvious admiration, incessant glorification and declarations of "Sosuke-sensei's'" greatness/hotness pointed out her blind love for him whenever Hinamori goes off topic with their Shakespeare monologues (because frankly he seemed the only one interested in it) and talk about Aizen's scarf, or Aizen's new glasses, or Aizen's shoes highlighting his long legs…

Does it look like he cared?!

He can join the conversation if in involved him murdering said man and throwing him over Tokyo Bay, but unfortunately he was stuck through Momo's more than graphic description of his sexiness. Unintentionally deflating the younger man's self-esteem.

For anyone who had complete acquirement of the five senses, or less would freaking know that he was head over heels in love with Hinamori Momo.

And by some manga cliché, the love of his life was the only one _not_ seeing, feeling, tasting, smelling and hearing any of it.

What's worse, after successfully asking her out and her accepting it (ecstatic feeling accumulating over the week, knowing that he would be a step to further his relationship with the "girl of his dreams") was _cruelly_ crushed. Meaning his heart was ripped out, stomped on and ran over after someone spat on it as he stumbled on the English Lit. class and find Hinamori (dream girl) and Sosuke-sensei (asshole) physically engaging heatedly on the—

"Buwahahahaha!!"

Currently, our white haired heroine had his head slumped heavily on the desk…He knew it was a bad idea to "share his burdens." Damned bitch.

It was bad enough that this whole week had been complete hell for him after "stumbling" accidentally on them, and now he was pressed for a confession by the most annoying girl he ever met (and the most opposite of the love of his life). Added to his miseries, he can't very well refuse her demands because she held the higher up of being _the _Kuchiki.

The one _sponsoring_ his scholarship.

Things had been increasingly turning out for the worse for him, and the white-haired male was in the verge of strangling said girl in front of him.

"O-oh—" strangled wheeze, "g-od—ha-ch ahahahaha!! Are you—" pants, inhales deeply but to no avail, "F-f-f-ucking—ahaha-serious?!"

"No, actually it's all a joke."

"Bahahahhhaa!!" apparently, the sarcasm was lost on his oxygen-deprived audience.

"I never expect this out of a Kuchiki." He intoned dully.

Hitsugaya Toushiro was actually surprise that the most prominent businessman and richest company in Japan raised the most immature and uncouth woman he have ever met. The complete contradiction of the woman he love(d). While there were times that she acted like a born noble…it seriously outweighs the times she acted absolutely childish and out of line.

By the sound of her last name, the raven haired girl shot up, her face automatically turning neutral…but not before facing a rather peeved Toushiro.

"Pft—ahahaha! Of course!!" and then she proceeded to bang her fists on the table, clearly basking in his state of depression.

He was convinced.

Women were all heartless beasts.

And this petite, may-look-sweet-but-with-a-killer-kick, waist length raven head, violet eyed "maiden" was no exception. In fact, she completely takes the whole cake of said definition.

It was bad enough that the girl was older than him by two years, but also taking the same class as him for the whole semester. She also took (great) advantage of her Kuchiki name by flashing the 'bow-down-because-I-give-you-money' card on him. Which can be promptly translated, in Hitsugaya's terms, 'the-evil-bitch-card.'

And how he hated her for it.

"So, so!" she finally calmed down, but the irreplaceable grin was still plastered irritatingly on her pale face, taking off her square-rimmed glasses (only used in class) to wipe vestiges of her happy-tears-hour-in-which-we-make-fun-of-whitey-chan as she sobered enough to form a coherent sentence. "What will you do now, huh?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Her brows raise up at him, a vein twitched in his head somewhere.

"Why?"

"Why not?" he ground out his teeth in restraint.

"I see, you're not very serious about your education—"

"Because I don't see the point in it!" he almost screamed, frustrated with the incessant flashing of her 'evil-bitch-card.'

"You don't see the point in it?" her brows were shot up again.

"Do you have hearing problems?" he hissed in irritation, turning away dismissively, obviously pissed at the sore topic at hand.

"You love her don't you?" her violet eyes bordered on a teasing light.

"_Liked_." He gave her a fierce look, quickly denying her statement.

"Same difference, but not the point—" he glared at her. "But the fact that you love her for a long time—you can't really erase it, even after you've seen her with-ahem--er, another man. Right?"

He pouted, reclining further in his seat, and refusing to meet the accusing violet eyes of one vexing woman. It was better to answer now before she flashed her bribe card again.

"What's it to you?" he finally sighed, but the edge in his voice warned her not to prod any further.

Too bad, because Kuchiki Rukia was already way ahead of her plans. Her eyes lighted in mischief as she leaned forward in a conspiratorial manner, whispering in the unsuspecting young male's ears.

"Then take her _back_."

Emerald eyes widened, he clenched his fist and quickly whirled around, "What?"

"You heard me," Rukia nodded thoughtfully, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms, as if presenting the most genius idea in which he couldn't help but think her insane. "As far as I heard, you haven't even properly confessed."

"So? It's better that I don't complicate manners by confessing my feelings with her already superior love for that ass—"

A hardbound, eight hundred page chemistry book squarely hit the Toushiro right on the nose. "Idiot!"

"What the hell was that for!?"

"Are you that stupid?!"

"Are you that homicidal?!"

"That's to get your ass out of your head!"

"How does that help me!?"

Kuchiki Rukia sat back down after the initial attack, rubbing her bruised head as if she was the one inflicted by the ten pound book. "For someone so smart, how could you think so stupidly? I guess it comes with the package of having no social life—"

"Shut up! You're the one who's stupid throwing a book at me!" the white haired male popped a couple of veins, smoothing his red nose, mumbling a couple of curses under his breath.

"What I'm trying to say is that: You. Are. An. Idiot."

"Look who's talking, you're the one with a D in this class—"

"Don't pull the 'I'm-greater-than-thou' shit on me—"

Toushiro grinned, at least there were still loopholes in which he too could irritate Kuchiki Rukia. "I'm still smarter than you." He stated smugly, as if her brain couldn't very well comprehend or read the test ranking that he was the country's genius.

"Arghh! See! This is why Momo-chan didn't like you!" Rukia pointed an incredulous finger at him, the tables turning as Toushiro's brows twitched. It was a good thing that they were at their empty chemistry 202 class right now (it was a two hour break time before the night classes), or else they would've been long gone to listen to their dean's monotonous rants.

"And why pray tell, did she not like me?" he glowered, eyes narrowing.

"That! _That_!" the raven head made a more pointed gesticulation, almost accusing him as she jumped to his feet and slamming her palm on the desk with the other hand.

"What?" he queried, more annoyed than ever.

"_Tha_t—'I-am-the-great- Hitsugaya-Toushiro-boy-genius-love-me-or-else-die-by-my-huge-brain-cells' attitude." Her eyes were owlish in her declaration, and it would've been cute and amusing only if the younger male wasn't the topic of insult.

"So-" more veins popped up on his head, and maybe even his neck, as he closed his eyes, breathing deeply. "You're saying that I'm an arrogant, boring, asshole—is that it?"

"Exactly." She nodded with a dogmatic air.

"I see…" lines of distressed covered his face, as he shield away to hide his murderous thoughts for the woman before him. One that includes cutting off her tongue and shipping her off to nowhere.

"But wait—"

Of course, now she'd probably insult him on his small stature or worse…what's below down his waist.

"I can help you!"

Oh…well that was worse than he imagined…

Somehow the appeal of her insulting his manhood seemed bearable then her demented plan. Unless she was planning to give him _growth _pills—which he would seriously commit murder on her, Kuchiki or not.

"I can help you get back with Momo-chan!" she beamed proudly, smile brightening the room at her rather Samaritan-like offer—forgetting the fact that Momo and Toushiro weren't _together_ in the first place. Proving a harder task.

"Hell no—!"

"Yes!!"

Hitsugaya had no time to protests as said evil-bitch woman officially declared herself the dictator of his love life. And there was no way out with her pulling off the damned 'evil-bitch-card' on him. Even though his love may surpass his dream as a lawyer…this was only a one-in-a-lifetime chance.

A one in a lifetime chance controlled by an insane and clumsy woman that probably wouldn't think twice of wasting his life away, both academically (his dream job) and emotionally (his dream girl).

And as the bell rang signaling the coming of students for the night classes, Toushiro was left off to wander again how women were truly heartless beasts. And how he planned to seriously kill Aizen Sosuke-_sensei_…and throw an annoying girl off a bridge.

This year, happily ever after seemed very bleak for Hitsugaya Toushiro.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I hoped everyone liked it! I certainly had fun writing it! Revs are very much loved! Next chappie—another fun moment for Hitsu/Ruki—but the heavier fluff wouldn't come until they're more comfortable with each other. ;) :)


	2. Counting Credibility

He knew that this was a bad idea from the start…

"How to know if you like a girl, page four…"

Where was his knife anyways?

"How to ask a girl out, page fifteen—"

He wondered if he could get away by just pushing her off the stairs.

"Must-Do moves during the date, page twenty-two,"

Does she have to read out loud?!

"What places to take her during and _after_ the date, page thirty—"

"Will you just read to yourself!?" Toushiro hissed, throwing his thirteenth crumpled up paper on her face- trying to do his—no-his and her, as "_partners,_" chemistry lab work, and this certain annoying girl was not letting up on her incessant ranting.

"Sorry, no can do, Fluffy-"

"Don't call me fluffy!"

"I am preparing you for your initial date. Though as far as I know you only got to the "You like her part-" and that's pretty much it." The raven head explained, propping her legs up his desk, obviously dismissing his protests to the new nickname. They were currently at the more secluded part of a city library, a twenty minute ride from the university, in which he was (forcefully) dragged to after their last period.

"I'm already telling you that this is hopeless. So just drop it." Toushiro grinded out, his pen snapping in half for the third time that day.

"And I'm telling you that you need to get your ass out of your head. Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?" Rukia rolled her eyes, flipping through the Dates for Dummies book some more

"Because the last time I trusted you, things _blow_ up!" Toushiro glared hard at her.

He remembered an event almost a year ago (which he had unfortunately met and became partners with the younger Kuchiki) which blew up almost half of the chemistry lab. What the hell was he thinking leaving the room (call of nature) and asking her to _watch over _the chemicals? Of course, being the stupid, stubborn idiot that she was—wanted to prove her "Chem-Lab-Skills."

Next thing he knew a dark mushroom cloud appeared from the lab. And he was the one responsible for it (since she's _the_ Kuchiki) and he was a nobody that needed to be blamed and the _supposed_ boy genius. He didn't know if that was an insult to him or her.

"Oh, come on that was a year ago," she whined, pouting- "Besides, I promise you that this—I'm serious about _this_." Her violet eyes glinted darkly in earnestness. "I promise, in the Kuchiki name, that I would not "blow up"" she made little quote gestures in the air, further annoying the white haired male, "your happily-ever-after chance with the girl of your dreams."

"And what the hell makes you think that I would believe that?" his brow twitched and if looks could kill, their lab work was already nothing but ash in the deepest pits of hell.

"Okay, you know what—this is obviously useless," she unfolded her legs, setting them back down on the floor and throwing the Dates for Dummies book over her head. Toushiro faintly heard a scream and a thud from the hallways and winced. Glad (that it wasn't him) and at the same time wary at the girl's accurate shots.

"You're the one who took it from the—"

"I know, but it was obviously a mistake. My matchmaking skills are for more superior and advanced than that fantasy-clichéd crap that writers with no love-life conjure in a little corner somewhere." She finished logically, and pulling her seat closer to the white haired male.

"Oh, and you have some sense of credibility? Someone who's boyfriend-less—"

"The topic is _your_ love life, not mine-" she flicked him in the head, earning her a deadly glare from the obviously ticked off young man.

"Anyways, do you know Ichigo Kurosaki?" she smirked at him evilly, reminiscing back to a close friend back in high school and even now, attending in Seiretei U.

"Yeah, the one with orange hair—"

"Yes, strawberry boy. To be frank, in high school, he got the hots for me—'

"I thought we're not talking about your disgusting love life,"

"I'm making a non-fictional anecdote here, you ass. And it is not disgusting!" she huffed, crossing her arms. "Unlike you, many men are after me—"

"Funny, I had the picture that they run away from you—"

Rukia firmly shut him up by smacking a notebook over his head. "Could you not, for at least five minutes, not interrupt me-"

"Maybe if you're not doing any physical affliction on me from time to time I wouldn't-!" Toushiro sneered, rubbing his bruised head.

"Okay! Fine, on to the topic, now shut up," she glowered at him, meaning the next would not be just a notebook if he injected his own unnecessary opinion.

She began to flip through his notebook, taking the pen from the table…and he couldn't help but cringed.

"Actually, I already know from the start that he liked me, but of course being the chaste maiden as I am…" she drew a fairly well drawn, but fluffy bunny with a halo, paws clasped together, and in the background—was, he assumed, a glum and love struck Kurosaki with hearts in his eyes.

Toushiro really wanted to comment on _that,_ but figured he had enough smacks to the head to argue.

"I thought that he'd be better off with the girl who likes him far more than I do, besides I see him more of a brother to me anyways. It would be too eww if I accepted him." A bunny girl with longer hair and slightly larger chest was presented in the picture also with hearts in her eyes, while the other female bunny (still with a halo) was in the middle—as if introducing the male bunny (Ichigo) and the female with bigger chest.

"Your point…" his emerald eyes bore through hers in a bored manner.

"I'm getting there! Why do you always have to spoil the mood?" she frowned at him menacingly.

"As time passed, I eventually stirred strawberry boy towards the girl. And I encouraged the girl to confess," the picture was now of the bunny (still with the halo) being as a mediator and in the middle presenting the more spiky-haired, angry bunny, and the bunny with the endowed bosom-her hands clasped hopefully in front on her.

"And…" he drawled, obviously not getting where this was going.

"And then, I helped them get together for the senior ball before graduation. You should know, I was the one feeding him the lines, and I told Inoue-san to dress to impress." She grinned brightly, obviously proud as she thought of feeding Ichigo the lines reading from Romeo's script.

The white haired male actually pitied him…In fact, he wondered if Kurosaki actually said those lines. But coming from Rukia, she most likely threatened something against him that would be enough to traumatize the young man for life.

Toushiro couldn't help but gape openly at her drawing in which the spiky-haired bunny with a scarier frown from before dance awkwardly with the bunny that had her chest almost spilling out off her gown. In the corner was the bunny (halo still in place) smiling brightly, a wand in her hand as if she had done magic, and she was fairy godmother herself.

"And then, they live happily ever after!" she finished, with a Fin and butterfly flying off into the corner and bunny with spiky hair and bunny with big chest riding away into some sort of pumpkin carriage, the other bunny, (halo shining brighter) waved at them gleefully.

It was actually funny seeing Toushiro's face contorted into utter confusion, "And this was supposed to…?"

"You idiot! Isn't it obvious? I'm showing you my credibility." She blew the bangs out of her face, frustrated that she wasted her art skills over someone who couldn't appreciate her logic and talent.

He looked at her drawing, and back at her face, as if scrutinizing if she was serious. "So?"

"So!? Ugh! Fluffy-chan—"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Fine, then—_whitey-chan_," she drawled, rolling her eyes.

"Will you—"

"That girl was Inoue Orihime. Hot chick, fan club at room 506 every Saturdays, ambition is to be a chef, blood type B, hobbies-writing in her diary, voluptuous curves with 43, 29, 32—"

"I don't need to know that!" Toushiro blushed, earning several 'ssshhh's' from the other students and adults in the library.

"Well, you do. Because without my help they wouldn't be together at all," Rukia tapped her chin.

"And what exactly is the point of you telling me _that_?" the white-haired male glared at her, snatching his notebook-turned-bunny-disaster-drawings.

"The fact that I am good at my job, helping others find love," she smiled up at him, crossing her legs. "And I'm the only one who does them for free."

"Oh, how generous of you," the sarcastic tone was not lost in Toushiro's voice. "But that doesn't make you any less faulty on _your_ job."

"Che, Au contraire, little one—"

"Will you just shut up-!"

"Just to name a few, I made several successful deals with different people and helped them find everlasting love—"

"Why are you sounding like a freaky advertisement announcer—"

"Because I _am _advertising. It's a guaranteed success for your love life." The raven head simply stated, counting off with her fingers, further infuriating her emerald-eyed audience all the more. "If you want more examples, I am the matchmaker between Kitty Grimmy and Tutu Nel."

"You mean Grimmjow and Oderschvank-sensei?!" his eyes were wide—how did _that_ happen? That was so…so _wrong_! In all different levels because it was just really…mismatched, I mean green and blue, the catty-boy and their 'more-than-endowed' physics teacher with the mind and speech of a child?! Isn't that illegal!?

He's not one to talk since Hinamori and Sosuke-sensei (prick) were doing the same thing, but that's not the point.

"Red piny and Arisawa-san—"

Abarai Renji and Tatsuki Arisawa?! For real!? When did all of this happen? He was on the same University as they were for god's sake. How the heck could he miss that? The last time he heard about the two of them, Abarai was sent into the infirmary with a broken arm, courtesy of said girl.

"Then, there's Fishida and Nemo-chan,"

What?! Ishida Uryu and Nemu Kurotsuchi?! Holy crap, wh-wha—how the? The two who had weird, scary fathers? One being their biology professor (with the most frightening affinities with the human brain), and the other being the head doctor of their infirmary, who wouldn't think twice relocating your broken shoulder from where you stood.

"Oh! And there's—'

"Stop, that's enough." the white-haired male turned away, pale face and wanting to gag.

While she said that they were "successes" it was more like some wild experimentation in Frankenstein proportions of matchmaking two completely different people together. He would just die if she tried to say that she brought Zaraki-shishou and Unohana-sensei together.

He would simply drop dead if those two-most opposite poles of the other somehow got together—and by _her_. Toushiro would eat his scarf.

"Oho! So you're fully convinced now, eh?" her violet eyes twinkled in mischief.

"Yes, it fully convinced me that you are NOT going to pry into my _personal _life—"

"Deal! But I got dibs on your _love_ life," she cheered, slapping her legs as if everything was solved by just officially declaring herself president over the white-haired male's love life—which in retrospect, she really did.

"W-wai—what?! _Personal_ and _love_ life are linked together! You can't just—"

"Hitsugaya-san, I see that you are not making an effort in your studies—"she mimicked her brother's voice, violet eyes staring down at him.

Damned evil-bitch-card, Toushiro's brows twitched, hands itching to do some fatal damage on the raven head. While it wouldn't hurt him because he was already heartbroken, there really wasn't no harm in letting her "help" him. Besides, he had nothing to lose at this point, except probably his well-fattened ego and self-esteem. It's better to get her over it now, before Rukia tried to do something drastic to persuade him…like posting her self-made bunny pictures portraying him and Momo in the whole campus.

He shuddered inwardly.

"Fine! But if you do not—"

"I promise you, that I'll be your maid of honor in your wedding with Momo-chan!" she squealed clasping his hand and hugging him suddenly. "Now, as a first payment, take me to dinner!"

"What the?! I thought you do this free?!" The white-haired male balked, veins accumulating over his forehead.

"Che, hell no. I do get some _benefits _from my clients too, asshole. At least I'm not charging you more than you can handle." She waved her hand in nonchalance, tugging at his sleeve, and pumping up her hand. "Now! I'm craving for some Thai!"

Toushiro just shook his head. Someday…_someday_ he was going to get her back for this.

Even if it kills him.

OOO

OOOO

OOOOO

OOOO

OOO

Oh my, never knew there were many Hitsu/Ruki fans, I'm glad everyone liked it! And I was like holy-effing (!?) several-of the most noted Hitsu/Ruki writers reviewed me (sobs and bows down to their greatness) and to everyone else who reviewed. I'm probably going to work harder on this since I think it's really cute :) :) I'm enjoying it far more than Ichi/ruki, and it seems easier...

Answer to Blackbelt: Long hair-for now, because i got good a growing plot for it. so i hope everyone bears with Rukia's waist-length hair just for now.


	3. Plan in Action

"Didn't you say that we're not getting something my budget couldn't handle?"

The white-haired male's lips twitched, his eyes narrowing slightly as he was hauled towards one of the most famous (and by famous, we mean big-time-money-spending) restaurants in the city. And she had to pick the table with the freaking "ambience." What the hell does one big painting make a difference in the ambience of the room?!

"While I said I'm not going to charge, I didn't say it's going to be cheap either," Rukia smugly grinned across from him, looking over the menu as a way to avoid Toushiro's flaming eyes. "Besides, you're forgetting that I _am_ a Kuchiki. You can't take me out for less."

"You eat in the burger joint across the campus," he pointed out, the greasy burger joint was a favorite of the raven head, and it sure as hell was a damn-fatty-fast-food that she couldn't care less eating out to every single day. So why the hell did she dragged him here, knowing that he's penniless?

"It's my higher taste calling. Now, I'll get a phad thai, coconut juice and some tom yum with shrimp." She finished, slapping the menu back and crossing her arms over the table, making sure that the prices were over the top. "What are you getting?"

"Panang, and water." He deadpanned. Judging by her personality and evilness, she would no doubt ordered something covering more than half of their bill.

"What the hell is panang?" her brows furrowed.

"It's green curry. Can't you read?" he rolled her eyes at her.

"Oh no, oh-mighty-Hitsugaya-san, my feeble language skills couldn't possibly comprehend your superior accuracy towards foreign languages," she gesticulated mockingly with her hands, "Is it so hard to say green curry?"

Toushiro grinned back at her, "Is it so hard to read?"

"You ass." She glared at him, "This is seriously why Momo-chan was turned off from you."

"Do you always have to childishly revert to that topic when you can't handle the truth?" the white-haired male challenged.

"Yes and no. Then again, you yourself couldn't handle the truth." The raven head shot back, as their orders were taken and the waiter told them to that it will be brought to them soon.

Toushiro scoffed. He didn't understand what she was trying to say. And why the hell would Momo not like him? They had been friends for a long time, he knew so much about her, and she in vice versa. What exactly went wrong?

"The truth is, even though you've been best friends, doesn't mean it's _certain_ to the road of love." Rukia explained, baffling the younger man at the exact thoughts and answer to his question, albeit a little creepy and corny.

"Please don't say that phrase again," he gave her a disgusted look, putting his head down and banging them on the table.

"What? The "road to love?" Oh come on, I think it's pretty cute." Her eyes tinted in amusement, "Can't anyone say: puppy love?"

"Shut." _Bang._

"Or, I'm in love with my best friend—"

"The." _Bang_.

"Then again you could also be portrayed as the third wheel…"

"Fuck." _Bang._

"Oh hey, speak of the devil-!"

"Up." …

Before slamming his head on the table for the fourth time, the emerald-eyed male stopped mid-way, eyes widening as he shot his head up so fast he swore he heard a pop of his neck.

"What?"

"Look, its Momo-chan and Sosuke-sensei," she pointed discreetly towards the couple towards the entrance.

"Shit," Toushiro cursed loud enough for Rukia to hear as he ducked, conspicuously hiding his 'red-light-I'm-here-white-hair' out, pulling his hood and zipping his jacket all the way up. What the hell were they doing here?! On the same restaurant no less!

"Let's call them—"

"Hell no!" Toushiro hissed angrily, glaring so hard at the obviously pleased raven head. Was she insane?! Didn't she understand that _that_ was the least thing he wanted right now!

"Oh come on, I worked so hard on finding out that they're going to eat here—'

"You _knew_ they were going to eat _here_?!"

"-Oops."

And she had the gall to look sheepish.

"Ch-how!? What the hell did you do-?!"

"Hey, for your information, I have to go through some serious, embarrassing stalking mode to get this tidbit info—" she huffed indignantly.

"What the fuck were you thinking!?" he was only saved by the harsh whispers of his voice, less they want them caught—and by Hinamori and asshole-sensei!

"Well, I was thinking—"

Murder was written clearly in his eyes.

"—that I wanted to see how you work your _mojo _around Hinamori.."

She did _not _just said "mojo" around him. He was already seeing red.

"I am so going to kill y—"

"Lighten up, little on. This way I would at least have an idea how you try to _serenade_ her, and we'll try to go from there."

"That doesn't fucking—"

"Look! Watermelons!!"

"Wha-where!—Wait!"

"Momo-chan!!" She stood up gaily, waving her hands to and fro.

-Oh no she _didn't_—!

"Sosuke-sensei!!"

She was (so) lucky they had no fork and spoons _yet_…for he was going to really stab her for doing this. How the hell could she distract him by doing such a childish trick? Better yet, how did she know his favorite fruit was watermelon?

He could feel the ominous weight, the beating of his heart had now miraculously began to beat in fury, with a mixture of nervousness (for Hinamori) and anger (for the evil-bitch, and their dick-of-a-teacher).

The soft, faint call of "Kuchiki-san!" could be heard as they drew closer to their vicinity, with Hinamori running, and Sosuke-sensei walking casually.

Across from him, Rukia whistled, "I don't blame Momo-chan. Whitey, if you're going up against him, then you have to pull of a better Prada-suit look with those glasses and smoothed-down gelled hair." She turned towards the white-haired male, "You better make _this_ a good impression, boy-genius."

He gave her a depreciating look, "If this goes down, I'm going to _kill_ you."

She, in return, grinned carelessly at him. "Don't worry, I'll be right behind you on this."

Hinamori came to them out of breath, as she beamed brightly at the two individuals with their own ready smiles (well, Rukia with her top-of-the-notch acting face in present and Toushiro with a forced friendly smile, it bordered scary).

"I-it's so good to see you Kuchiki-san," the ony-eyed girl panted, but quickly composed herself, "And—Shiro-chan!? It's great to see you! I haven't seen you for at least a week!" the girl gave Hitsugaya a heart-stopping smile, as the latter couldn't help but blush and cough in embarrassment.

Rukia's brows twitched, _'Speak, idiot! What the hell are you doing?'_

She stomped on his toes under the table, jerking the younger man out of his stupor, emerald eyes fiercely connecting with the ever ready smile (yet twitching) of the raven head. Her violet eyes narrowing, and her head slightly inclining for him to say something.

"Ah, hnn—It's good to see you to, Hinamori." He clenched his fist.

"So what brings you here Momo-chan?" Rukia kept the ball rolling as her voice reached an impossibly high pitch, her whole countenance sparkling and glowing with the whole act in place.

"O-oh," the brown-haired girl bit her lip in embarrassment, a blush rising to her cheeks. "We-I—er, I was—"

"We were just about to dine, Kuchiki," the smooth baritone of his voice filled the air, as out stepped in their English Lit. professor, with his own fixed smile. He then recognized the white-haired male who was almost shaking in rage at the interruption. "Good evening to you too, Hitsugaya-kun."

"Oh my!" he swore he was going to be deaf if Rukia kept this up, but she was faring well with looking so damn fake but believable as she gasped, batting her lashes and—is that blushing?!-at the entrance of Sosuke-sensei. "Sensei, I didn't know you were here too!"

"Yes, Hinamori-san here had some pressing questions to ask me pertaining our latest Shakespearean novels," he explained, eyes full of gentleness, fooling everyone except Rukia.

'_Hinamori. Huh? Bet you call her Momo while you're alone. Che, explaining Shakespearean novel my ass. Are you acting out Romeo's part too, eh? And mind answering why take her out to dinner for "academic" matters?'_ While most teachers always thought at first meeting that Kuchiki Rukia was only a clumsy, brainless, rich brat—that was because she was _faking_ it. She didn't want attention that she was quite the heavy thinker, and besides even though she's rich didn't mean she got to Seiretei without using her brain. The raven head didn't particualrly like Sosuke-sensei since he always gave her essay reports a C or a D. All she said was that Macbeth was an incestuous, power-hungry bastard in her first introduction in her ten page paper, she bet he didn't read them all. She even worked so hard perfecting her drawing and illustrating her point, it had shades and color-she used Sharpie for god's sake--_SHARPIE_!!

Besides that, Aizen's 'I'm-explaining-to-a-child' excuse didn't deceive her one bit.

'_I'm the one controlling this game, asshole. Don't give me that sickly sweet smile of yours…even though you're quite hot, doesn't mean I can't see through your rotten personality.' _Her thoughts did not betray anything in her face as Rukia kept up the 'I'm-so-happy-and-nervous-in-love-seeing-Sosuke-sensei-up-close-omg-I-wanna-ravish-him' look.

"Oh, is that so?" her eyes briefly looked over her white-haired male companion, seeing his rather silent reaction. _'Dammit, now's not the time to act depressed and plan where you're going to bury this guy, you stupid dummy…!'_

Rukia sent him a hard kick under the table. Good intentions, bad move.

"Fuck, Rukia!!"

All eyes swerved to him.

Hinamori was in her OMG position, Sosuke-sensei with perfectly fine eyebrow rose up to his forehead in reserved amusement and Rukia…

With a _larger_ than life smile.

"Er—"

…

Toushiro scratched his head, feeling smaller and smaller at the stares given to him by the whole restaurant-at this point. It was bad enough that he cursed out loud, and even used _her_ name in a familiar manner. Could anyone say dating?? _'This is where your stupidity would come in handy, Kuchiki…'_

As if on cue, Rukia took the limelight with her attention-grabbing guffaws, banging her fists on the table. The white-haired male released a breath he didn't know he was holding—

Of course, the raven head wasn't planning to go down alone with this shame.

"Oh, come on now, Hitsugaya-_kun_! Aren't you moving too fast for our first _date_?"

He breathed out too early…

Hinamori resumed her OMG position, Aizen's other brow joined the other one high up in the air.

"Sir, ma'am…uh-um your phad thai a-and panang…" the waiter stuttered in between, not knowing what to do at the obviously frozen couple(s). "I-I'll just g-go and get your drinks and utensils…"

'_Yes…'_ Toushiro thought darkly, '_please do.'_

He would love nothing more than to fixed Kuchiki Rukia's face with his fork and knife. And he sure as hell would like to take a stab at their English Lit. professor who gave them a warm smile.

"Well my, congratulations to the both of you."

Veins popped all over his forehead.

For someone so young, he sure had a very high blood pressure.

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I love this chapter. And now i want some Thai food...btw panang is _sort of like_ green curry. Anyways, they're such a cute couple! Hope you all enjoyed! Now onwards for the next Hitsu/Ruki invasion :) :) thanks again so much for the revs, you guys are the cooliest!

Answer to youshallnotpass: I'll explain it clearly later, but of course, she also had some very protective "boy" friends, not to mention her brother (byakuya will come later).


	4. Touch Me Not

Come by Friday, everything was hell.

Almost the whole university campus new of the Thai restaurant incident, in which the two most unlikely pair came out of the closet, and declared their "love" (altered during the whole gossip). Well, technically, only Rukia (the evil-bitch) confirmed it's validity that they were "going out."

She reveled in it, while Toushiro would love nothing more than to push her off a bridge.

Currently, Rukia was (obliviously) annoying the already livid white-haired male who was stomping down the halls towards his second period. His first period was already embarrassing enough—Hinamori couldn't look at him in the eye! More or less, she was the one who slipped, and congratulated him and her of their _union_. And the next thing he knew, everyone was talking about the "new hot couple."

Life wasn't fair.

"Seriously, I got everything under control," the raven head explained behind him, almost jogging to keep up with his long strides.

People were starting to stare and whisper at them, but obviously—Rukia, having no shame, couldn't care less. She was wearing tight fitting, low rise jeans, and her favorite bunny scarf wound about her neck, with her matching bunny shirt and a butterfly logo jacket.

To most guys, Kuchiki Rukia was a definite cutie. Not very gifted in the _valley_ section, nor were she entitled tallest in her class, but she had a certain charm that was enough to attract males like bees to honey. Aside from that, she had a kick and a strong right and left hook that Zaraki-shishou was proud to experience.

And girls envied her for the great catch of taking _the_ Hitsugaya Toushiro for herself. The white-haired male was ranked the top popular boy in the campus, (by a series of fan girl cults) even though he didn't talk much, or gave most (read: _all_) girls the cold shoulder.

The emerald-eyed male kept walking, tuning out and ignoring the evil-bitch at his heels and glaring at anyone who dared say anything. Actually, if one really steps back, squint their eyes, and tilt their head in a 45° angle, they were… quite the stunningly kawaii couple. Of course, that would only count their looks, but personality-wise…

"Dammit! I know you hear me, _Fluffy-chan_!"

His brows twitched, hearing several gasps from their acquired audience.

One squeal of "How cute! They're already in nicknames basis!"

Nearly sent him reeling and unleashing his pent up fury in the hallways, suspended or not.

Toushiro gritted his teeth-patience was a virtue…but in retrospect…screw the fucking fortune cookie! He wanted to kill _her._

Rukia was pissed.

Sure, maybe not as pissed as her new client, but she was still ticked off nonetheless. Didn't he see her genius for causing _this _commotion? Okay, maybe going about her plan #23 wasn't a good idea, and it's not like she's enjoying their centered attention on their "relationship" right now. Her eyes slanted, at this moment…several 'boys' would've heard of _this_ news and would be hounding her for answers, or maybe just kill her _boyfriend_ on the spot.

Back to the topic at hand, for someone so smart, the white-haired male was completely ignorant of Rukia's plan. And she was freaking tired running around trying to stop him and clarify her masterpiece-of-a-plan. Gaining her speed, Rukia yanked the young man's collar and brought him to eyelevel (which wasn't much).

"_Listen_. To. Me." She grinded her teeth together.

Tempest violet meeting a maelstrom of emerald.

"Don't. _Touch_. Me." The white-haired male spat, rudely prying her hands off from his shirt collar, and turning to his heel.

'_Attitude problem, huh?'_ This time, the raven head's eyes twitched, does it look like she was enjoying this too? For heaven's sake, she was going to go through some intense explaining later and her Tylenol was running out. She would not have this childish attitude and his sassy-crap right now.

Stomping her foot, Rukia made the mistake of opening her mouth,--as usual, "Don't tell me _not_ to _touch_ you! You ass!"

Needless to say, every person in the nearest hearing vicinity of such a (loud) announcement froze in fear—_literally_ turning to frosted pillars. They waited with baited breath, Toushiro's anger was legendary after all, like a dragon sending ice needles all over your body. They feared Kuchiki Rukia would not live it through. But some knew that the girl was tough, after all—who befriended the three most violent guys, several psychopaths and constipated boys in school, and came out _unscathed_?

While some brave, idiotic freshman had the gall to say "Wow, they must be pros in bed," was lucky enough that he was just an extra.

'_I hope you hugged your parents' goodbye when you left from home…' _the emerald-eyed male thought sadistically, eyes pinning the source of stupidity for saying such a scandalous thing, which only added fuel to his ire.

Luckily enough for the major population and much to the white-haired male's chagrin, they were in front of the Studio Art, the class notorious for its large brea—

"Tou-shi-ro-chan!!"

Mounds of flesh engulfing his cheeks gave time for everyone to scramble out of the hallways, as many were thankful to live another day, and sending thanks to Matsumoto-sensei who "broke the ice."

Immediately two large veins popped into his forehead. This act should be illegal, he should've reported this a long time ago…but—

"Matsumoto-sensei…"

It was a wonder why his teeth haven't shattered yet from the ceaseless amount of pressure he put in them every time he had to deal with annoying people—Rukia topping the list.

"How's my little cousin!?" the auburn haired professor of photography (was there such a thing?) squeezed the young male harder to her chest and nearly suffocating him.

"I heard the cutest rumors ever!—and oh! Speak of the lucky lady, Rukia-chan!!" the endowed woman switch her attention to a quickly attentive raven head who swiftly greeted the elder woman with a squeal of "Rangi-chan!"

'_Don't tell me…,'_

Toushiro gaped at the females who were babbling about who his "cousin's'" boyfriend was, and how they were doing. Hearing the (disgusting) words of "Gin, my honey," his jaw dropped to the floor— of all the people, Ichimaru-sensei of the _psychology _class?!

'_She matched those two?!'_

Okay it wasn't much of a shock seeing his cousin was an insane drunk and said boyfriend was a creepy-looking-psycho, but still--he thought Matsumoto had more taste than that.

The two exchange knowing grins, as Rukia saluted to the gray-eyed professor, "I leave him to you, Matsumoto-sensei," the raven head gave her a knowing smile, and turned piercing eyes at Toushiro. "We _need_ to talk before chem. class."

He equally gave her a frosty look, but she knew he'd be there as he turned away, trudging stiffly inside his dreaded second period (no doubt he was to endure another hour and half of torture in which Matsumoto would most likely suspend class in preference of getting the juicy details from him).

Matsumoto looked after her cousin and back at the raven head, eyes questioning with a hint of amusement. "Are you taking him in?"

The violet-eyed girl smirked, "You could say that."

"You know, I wished the rumors were true." The gray-eyed professor gave Rukia a wistful look as she sighed and crossing her arms.

"Che, I don't think so," Rukia rolled her eyes, as she turned on her heel and waved her hand in goodbye. "We're _just_ friends."

"Well, you may never know, Rukia-chan," Matsumoto mumbled under her breath and pouted a bit, watching the girl disappear off a corner. "Still—they'd make really cute babies."

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Now let's all take a glimpse back as to what set off these chain of events... A progress of Kuchiki Rukia's "brilliant" plan.

:(Flashback continuing in the Thai restaurant):

Settling down after Rukia's initial outburst of their "relationship," things had gone from horribly wrong…to an apocalyptically disastrous event in which the four individuals found themselves seated together in _one_ table.

Courtesy of Kuchiki Rukia herself.

Toushiro didn't remember much of the things that happened because he was so busy thinking of torturous and painful ways to exterminate the bugs in his life. Bug 1: being his bane of existence ever since she came to know him, and Bug 2: who held the love of his life's heart.

And he never knew that the raven head had such a suicidal streak in her persistent attempts…to an extent in which it increased his desire to bury her in a desert somewhere.

"Ne, ne! Sosuke-sensei, Momo-chan! Why don't you eat with us? It's Toushiro-kun's treat!" She offered enthusiastically as the latter was shrouded in dark and thundering clouds, wanting to do some physical damage at the younger Kuchiki.

"O-oh no! We couldn't possibly intrude—"

If it weren't for his audience and later embarrassment he could've kissed the brown-haired girl in gratitude.

"Yes, we wouldn't want to interrupt the both of you," Aizen smiled humbly. But the thanks were not extended to him as he too joined Toushiro's list of "Bodies to Bury in the Sahara." The white-haired male was more incensed over the fact that he thought they were going out, in which they really were _NOT_.

"Mou, but really, the more the merrier!" Rukia insisted, pouting cutely and tugging at Hinamori's sleeve like a petulant child.

Toushiro didn't know what the raven head had in mind, but it sure as hell just guaranteed her chem. lab work an F, since he's the one doing all the work.

"K-Kuchiki-san—I-we really shouldn't-since," her eyes darted nervously at Toushiro as she blushed heatedly.

Rukia's brows were raised, '_Hm…interesting. I just need one more push_.'

Her violet eyes stared at them in genuine curiosity, "Why not?"

Hinamori felt cornered at her pressing question, "I-erm—"

"We truly don't want to impose, Kuchiki. It would be very embarrassing if I let my students treat me. And I'm sure Hitsugaya-kun and you have more to discuss." Aizen explained patiently, warm smile still in place…

But Rukia had other plans; her client was losing his cool, and it was about high-time to show her winning card. And if Sosuke-sensei persist to play the dirty "I'm-a-teacher-you're-a-student' game on her, then he was sorely mistaken.

"Ne, but sensei, while I understand your concern," the raven head grinned evilly inside. _'Try getting out of this one, Sosuke-sensei_.' "Wouldn't it be more prudent that the two of you eat with us? Besides, a teacher and a student dining together, seemed…_odd_, don't you think?"

'_Check mate…' _

These were the few _rare_ times that she was proud to be a Kuchiki. They were after all, one of the companies that funds Seiretei. One call from the higher up and one teacher could be gone.

"Unless if the two of you are having a _relationship_…"

Words were truly sharp as swords.

Aizen and Hinamori stiffened, Toushiro _almost_ gaped at her in awe. Not truly expecting such an underhanded trick, and surprised at the fact that she was pulling the evil-bitch card on Aizen. The white-haired male now wasn't sure where she was going with this.

Was she trying to endanger _or_ mend his "love life?"

Taking their expressions as a fact that no one knew their relationship (yet), the violet-eyed Kuchiki continued.

"Which you aren't, _right_?"

She gave Hinamori a scrutinizing and suspicious look, which promptly scared the girl...Enough to the point that she pushed Toushiro and told him to scoot over, stuttering and blushing madly. "O-o-of c-course n-not, Kuchiki-san! Why would you think that? Ahahahah…!"

"You're quite the persistent one, aren't you Kuchiki?" Sosuke-sensei chuckled in good humor, seating himself besides Rukia in defeat. But the raven head saw right through him—he was _pissed_—this only inflated her pride all the more.

'_Damn fucking right.'_

The raven head thought to herself proudly, pleased that her plan went well. Toushiro was seated across from her, and Hinamori seating beside him, and Aizen seating far away from him. Therefore, preventing the white-haired male from doing something juvenile-worthy, (like _accidentally_ stabbing Aizen with a fork) and also keeping him on his "toes" around Hinamori.

"I'm just looking out for my esteemed colleagues and professors," Rukia smiled amiably towards Aizen, sipping elegantly at her coconut juice. "I wouldn't want them jeopardizing their future now, won't I?" if Rukia had fangs it sure glinted in delight right now as she pressed on a sore spot of their becoming relationship.

'_Back off now, sensei. No man had yet to survive me.' _The violet-eyed woman smirked to herself.

"Of course, that's very kind of you, Kuchiki-san." Sosuke returned with a winning smile of his own, topping the cake with a handsome cock of his head to the side. Obviously, the English Lit. professor was not going to give up. He made the mistake of underestimating the younger Kuchiki's cleverness, but he won't pass it up for the second time.

'_Damn, this guy's a definite Grammy winner…'_ the raven head thought aimlessly. Noting the brunette professor as quite the charismatic actor himself, in which poor Momo-chan fell for instantly. If she were to help Toushiro to get Hinamori back, then he would go through some serious back-breaking lessons from her if he wanted to beat this guy.

"Thank you. And you too, sensei."

"Thank you, Kuchiki."

Rukia swore she saw the narrowing of his eyes right through his smile beneath all the pleasantries exchanged.

She somehow felt that things just got harder.

But it was all worth it as she took a glance at the white-haired male and his "girl of dreams" chatting away, while she was stuck having to entertain her loathed professor.

'_Fluffy-chan, if I'm not going to be your maid of honor, I'm so going to hound you with a shotgun.'_

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I'm sorry there wasn't much in this chapter! (bows down) but I wanted to show you guys how the thai incident happened, and the initial aftershock. Next would be Rukia's explanation of her dating plan to poor whitey-chan…Again thanks so much for everyone's revs! ;) :) love you all!


	5. Lesson 23

It was no fun when the person you're poking had no reaction.

In fact, Rukia thought it was boring, for each every poke of flesh only counts with—

'_Hey, that's the sixth vein popping on his head…'_

She thought poking was one of the most annoying things one could do to gain attention. And it certainly didn't fail her with Ichigo, Renji, and Grimmjow—the three who had the funniest outcomes when it came to "poking fun" at them. Ichigo topping it when he fell on their two-story building…He was the one dumb enough sitting on their (school) windowsill while he brooded.

Now _that_ was hilarious.

But Hitsugaya Toushiro was a different matter altogether. The raven head had never met a person who had so much patience...if only she knew.

Rukia pursed her lips in a frustrated manner.

Very well then, she rarely resorts to this since it's not very hard getting attention with all the poking, but Toushiro was asking for it.

"Aizen and Momo seating in a tree!" she sang audibly with barely closed eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, sensing the white-haired male shake in suppressed fury.

But not for long...

"K-I-S-S—!"

"Shut up! What the hell do you want!?" emerald eyes turned to her in sharpened edges.

"Much better," Rukia leaned back on her seat, they were at their empty chem. class, at least ten minutes before it starts and she was finishing her late lunch with a moody Toushiro, who was ruining her ambience because of his all-encompassing dark clouds over his head. "Instead of keeping your anger in, you should let it out more."

"I. Am. Not. Angry." This girl had _serious _problems.

"Could've fooled me." Rukia took a swig of her water bottle, noting his clenched fist. "You know, I've been with people who had anger problems, and the first step is not to _deny_—"

"I'm not!! What is it with you being so fucking bothersome!?"

"What is it with you being so depressed?'

"I am not depress!"

"Oh, so you deny being angry _and _being depressed?" the raven head shrugged calmly, letting him take out his anger. She had never worked with someone who hadn't blown a fuse before, and this was no different. "So what? You got PMS?"

The white-haired male breathed in deeply and slowly let it out. "You—Kuchiki Rukia, are a fucking pain in the ass."

And the raven head laughed.

"Well, that isn't so hard to say now is it?" her eyes twinkled as she swiped a few stray tears from her laughing session. "You're not the first one to tell me that."

Getting that off his chest actually felt good, and Rukia was not the least perturbed and Toushiro was then at least able to think straight. But being angry at her still did not dissipate from his mind.

"So? Mind explaining to me why the hell the whole campus believed that we're a couple?'

Ah, there goes his anger…

"Well, before that," she tapped her chin in thought, "I have to commend you on your great job last night. I thought I needed to call the cops on you, but thank goodness—"

"You're not answering my question…"

"And besides," Rukia sighed exasperatedly for the umpteenth time that day, bluntly ignoring the irate younger man. "You're not the worst in my book."

"Tch. You insult me, and then compliment me. Where the hell are you getting at?" the white-haired male gave her an icy glare.

"While there are multiple flaws in your personality—"

"Look who's talking-"

Rukia promptly threw her sandwich wrapper at him, "Whitey-chan, I am trying to dissect a plan for your love life—"

"Please don't say "dissect" ever again-" his head connected with the desk.

He felt so violated when she used it. It was like she was prying to his personal life…which she was, and he truly didn't want to be reminded of his mistake in taking up her offer. The emerald eyed male was already far in too deep trying to explain that they were NOT a couple in the _whole _camp--to no avail.

"Fine, _analyze_—as you so wanted to _eloquently_ put it."

"Analyze? Seems too brain consuming for you, isn't it?" he looked up at her with raised brows, "Then again you don't have one to begin with—"

"Don't talk down to the future psychologist of Japan, whitey-chan." Her empty water bottle was next to make an imprint in Toushiro's head

His eyes went owlish, his bruised skull forgotten in preference of gaping, "W-wha--? You? A psychologist?"

Never in his life had he been utterly dumbstruck.

"A psychologist's _secretary_?" he scratched his head.

"Ugh! No! You idiot! Psychologist! With the whole PhD, masters degree, "Dr. Kuchiki" kind of thing!" she glared at him, "Why does everyone get the impression that I'm going to be a stupid psychologists' secretary?!"

"Because it is more plausible than being _the_ psychologist itself," the white-haired male couldn't keep his grin in.

"Argh! You don't know how hard it is to take _two_ classes with Ichimaru-sensei! It's torture! Torture I tell you! And he always picks on me! Damned fox-eyed bastard!" Toushiro just gave her a bored look, clearly far from believing her dreams, "You know what? Forget it!" the raven head slammed her palms on her desk. "Now what was it you were asking me?"

Oh, hey look, they were actually back on their topic…

A vein made its pulsating way back to his forehead, angry at her (and a bit to himself) for being so distracted, "Why we _are_ a couple?"

"Because it is more plausible than being _just _your friend," she mocked back, eyes glinting in amusement.

"We. Are. Absolutely. Not." He grounded out angrily, eyes burning to wring the little midget's neck.

"I'll give you a hint," Rukia smirked, glad to converse with an easy subject, "We went out for a date-"

"That was your _payment_!"

"You make me sound like a whore…"

"Maybe you are—"Smack!

"Stop getting off track!"

"You're the one saying irrelevant things!"

Both individuals huffed, Rukia massaging her temples and Toushiro rubbing his newly acquired bump to the head.

"It's my lesson #23." The raven head consented to spill her plan, seating back down and folding her legs.

"Oh yeah, that narrows it down." Came the sarcastically impatient reply.

"Shush! I'm not done." both glowered at the other, "I don't usually use it with my clients since they're not as desperate as you—"

"Dammit! I'm not!"

"Uh-huh," her eyes slanted in mischief nodding in silent hilarity. "Well basically, it's just a run-test. If Momo-chan gets jealous, then we could fairly say that she has feelings for you."

She explained it further, "At this rate, it would earn you a good fifty-fifty chance to sweep her off her feet. Besides, you and I need to work in close quarters so as to not make it overly suspicious—thus the couple idea. It's better to "declare our union" than doing it in "secrecy"-that would only jeopardize the plan if she found out. At least Momo-chan doesn't need to know that you're actually just taking suave orders from me—"

"Why does this sound more like a doomed plan than something oh-so-brilliant?" the white-haired male gave her a scrutinizing look. But in the overall outlook of things it was quite an…_okay_ plan, given that it was her idea. But he wasn't fully trusting on the idea either--this was Kuchiki Rukia-the evil bitch in his life we're talking about.

But didn't she say she'd done this before?

"Fluffy—"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Have you seen that man's legs?"

"What?" he blanched, eyes in disgusted horror. She was not referring to that superman-impostor-professor of theirs was she?

"All women would _want _a piece of that—"

"I don't care!" and he truly doesn't, as the topic was sorely grating insult on his own stature.

"Well you should." The raven head gave him an 'are-you-insane-you-should-totally-do-it' kind of look as she stopped--eyes in disbelief. "Have you ever heard that almost 93 percent of women look at the man's legs on the first date?"

"Why the hell are you telling me this!?"

"Because!" she's going for the gold on this one, "Yours is not _long_ enough!"

A gasps was heard coming from the door, five (male) students who came early to set up their experiment was unfortunate to stumble upon the two.

Completely, and understanding the last line in "In the Gutter" translation—being one of them as Asano Keigo, the largest pervert (his mouth foaming in utter surprise at the cutest girl in class saying such a _daring_ thing, ) and Mizuiro the biggest playboy in Seiretei U, who had dropped his phone in shock.

They all knew that they just "started" dating but…it seems like it was the _contrary_.

No one knew Kuchiki Rukia was so bold.

And no one knew when Hitsugaya Toushiro would snap.

Well…it would be sooner that they all thought though…

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I just love the last line, don't you? apologies for the rather short (but u gotta admit, amusing) chapter. Next, let's take a break and look into Rukia's other "clients/boys" this should be fun…heheh thanks for the many reviews, they're all loved! :) :)


	6. Her Berry Boys

Kuchiki Rukia was hungry.

She (currently) had no money, her food rations (as many liked to call it) were gone, and she couldn't cook if her life depended on it. And she didn't feel like going out to hound some poor unsuspecting freshman in the streets for money, and it's highly unlikely that one of her friends were out today.

It was a gloomy, raining Saturday after all. Most students were staying in to sleep, fooling around or doing their homework… _'Like someone I know…'_

And what more fun could she get when she went to visit some of her guy friends, which was at least a five block walk to the girls dorm (ten minute train ride to campus) and to the guys dorm.

Besides, it always serve her amusement when she stopped by the boys' dorm…it was always fun to rile them up—especially strawberry boy.

The raven head grinned as she stood in front of Ichigo Kurosaki's door and his two other roommates, Abarai Renji and Grimmjow Jaggerjaques. And of course, she was never one for doing the knocking thing, she was more polite than that…

Clearing her throat, the violet eyed woman prepared herself for a wake up call, enough for the entire building, "Oh Kurosaki-kun! Please put your pants and your shirt on and stop French kissing Inoue-san! Don't forget to put a cold drink down your—"

And on cue…

The door was ripped open, and out came the greeting, scowling form of Ichigo, and swiftly clamping her mouth.

"For once, midget," the haggard boy, obviously from sleeping, growled while the latter tried to pry his hand off her mouth—who knows where that came from… "Could you shut up--!"

"Disheveled hair and boxers," Rukia commented idly, "Someone visited you late—"

She was roughly pulled in as the more than irritated boy slammed the door shut, not wanting any snoopy neighbors to intervene. Because the last time it happened, everyone else always seem to eavesdrop and press their ears with glasses on their door. Keigo even brought a video camera (which he was severely maimed for by Ichigo and hounded by Grimmjow for three days). It was a _hard_ week.

"Dammit! Rukia you—"

"Do I smell bacon?"

Ichigo Kurosaki could only roll his eyes as the girl pushed pass him towards the kitchen. She could never ask to come in and eat normally couldn't she?

She strode in their dorm easily, already familiar with everything inside the boys' place seeing that she spend her weekends mooching food off of them or pass the time annoying her three previous clients.

"Playing housewife, Renji?" she cocked her brows as she met the sight of her best friend and the red-haired boy wearing an apron and cooking bacon, pancakes and eggs.

"Rukia! What the—wait-housewife?! You bitch—!"

"Well if it isn't shorty," a gruff voice from the corner greeted her rudely.

"Well if it isn't smurfy—" the raven head mocked back, and sitting herself down at the table.

"Smurfy? What the fuck?!" the blue eyed, blue-haired young man screeched as Renji kept his chuckles in from the corner.

It was obvious enough that Rukia's expertise in name callings had been heavily influence by Zaraki-shishou's kid. The matter in which she was able to take free credits in his class without attending the class, but baby-sitting the pint-sized, pink-haired brat in the afternoons, clearly rubbed on her. If the two weren't protected by the massive, frightening hulk-like form of their sports/kendo instructor they would've been killed long ago for issuing embarrassing nicknames for the team.

"Oi! Will you all keep it down?!" Ichigo came back (fully dressed and combed) as a frown was etched back onto his face.

"Strawberry, didn't I tell you to stop scowling, it brings wrinkles, and you'll be old and you'll look like Yama-jii, and by the time you know it—you might be using Viagra—"

The orange-haired man "softly" whacked the girl on the head, and glared at the two who started laughing, "Don't bring it up on the table you idiot!"

"Aw, be a sport Ichigo," Rukia patted the seat next to her, "We all know that Renji uses the same technique to man up with his Tatsuki-chan."

The tables were suddenly turned as Ichigo and Grimmjow laughed and pointed at the red-haired male who started to stutter as he threw a menacing glare at the girl, "You're the one who left _that _in my room! And now she thinks I'm weird!"

It was horrifying to be at the middle of a-ahem—heated rendezvous with your girlfriend and was suddenly broken when she saw something all healthy young males should _not _have at least by the time they were seventy. Needless to say, Tatsuki avoided him for at least a week, until Renji forced (read: begged) the evil raven head girl to do something and explain the misunderstanding…She was still wary though, and even asked him if he needed a consultant.

"Tatsuki-chan asked me if you need a doctor by any chance. I recommended Ichigo's dad."

The other two laughed harder, clutching their stomachs and tears coming out of their eyes.

"Seriously," the violet-eyed woman didn't get why "manhood" was such a sore topic for these guys.

Sure she was a girl-a very _opinionated_ one at that, but she couldn't see why this topic was taboo. Unknowingly enough, Rukia was genuinely innocent at this subject, and not really getting why one gets angry and the other two laughed their asses off. "I asked Nel-chan, and she said that _you--_sorely needed one."

She pointed a finger towards Grimmjow.

This time around, red piny and strawberry laughed at his expense. The blue-haired man briefly gaped in surprise until realization, embarrassment and anger settled in. He was just about to skewer the girl on their coat hook by the door until a wicked thought came to mind. While Ichigo and Renji could never score against Ruka's schemes (their scoreboard by the fridge prove Rukia's winning points by 177, Ichigo: 8, Renji: 10 and Grimmjow a successful 15…which wasn't really much, but it was enough to say that he was more level-headed than the two) and he just had the thing to annoy her.

"Che, heard you got a new pet," he sneered at her, but truthfully he wanted to know.

Besides the fact that the whole freaking campus had been raving about the "new hot couple" was enough for him to know. Curiosity was in his nature…and yes it certainly landed him in quite a many deaths while conversing with Rukia. But somehow Grimmjow was feeling bold, and he wanted to know what poor idiot he was going to beat up by snatching Rukia to himself.

He wasn't jealous or anything...

At this the other two boys perked up.

Even though the midget was dense enough not to notice their feelings towards her before, they also knew that she was only doing things for their own benefit. And now, they had their own girlfriends. There was nothing wrong asking the girl you had feelings for before who her new boy was. And it was surely their brotherly-like instinct kicking in for the short girl…

Seriously, why are you all thinking that they were jealous?

"It's not that, it's just…"Rukia sighed, pushing her plate as she pouted and rested her head on her folded arms, treading on without caution. "I think my _boyfriend_ hates me."

Three things happened at once.

Grimmjow choked on his bacon.

Ichigo spluttered his orange juice out of his nose.

Renji's egg missed the pan.

"What the fuck!!" all boys chorused beautifully like a quartet.

It was _strictly_ brotherly-instinct. They were so not burning with jealousy.

"Who the hell is he!?" (Renji)

"What idiot would want you!?" (Ichigo)

"Where's my damn bat!?" (Grimmjow)

Rukia smirked, "Jealous much aren't we?"

"Hell no!!" she just loved their in sync, choir-like outbursts.

She should totally record this someday and write her first book of _The Psychology of Men's Minds_. Ah, she could see a whole lot of woman putting up their own scoreboards on their fridge, and their husbands screaming bloody murder on the streets.

"Look, Rukia," Ichigo could not resist glaring at her. Who was the (unlucky/lucky) bastard who took the evil-bitch queen of the campus as their girl? "Who's the bastard?"

They all leaned in rapt attention.

"Hitsugaya Toushiro!" she beamed cutely, as if announcing the winner of a game show. A block away from the dorm complex, a certain white-haired male sneezed.

Three thuds resonated around the room. They thought she had more class than that but…

"The midget?" Grimmjow's brows twitched, that boy was annoying and always thinks he was all high and mighty.

"Isn't he that prodigy that took Ishida's stick right off his ass and shoves it in his?" Ichigo's mouth gaped open, remembering his glasses-friend being depressed (and tried hiding it by sewing—for the whole straight week even in class) about the kid beating him off for the first rank.

"Holy crap, imagine what kids you'll have—" Renji balked in horror. One arrogant asshole marrying an annoying, bratty bitch…the world was doomed as we know it.

"You idiots!!" Rukia bellowed on top of her lungs, brows ticking as she smacked the nearest person in her range, (poor unsuspecting Ichigo) on the head with her clenched fists. "He's not my boyfriend-_boyfriend_!"

"So? What is he," the orange-haired man couldn't keep the envious tone in his voice, as he rubbed his bruised head, "Your boy-toy?"

"I never imagined the day that the great-_manly_-Kurosaki-Ichigo uses the word boy-toy…" the raven head ogled at him almost in reverence.

"Godammit!! That's not the point!"

"Shorty, stop getting off track here," Grimmjow massaged his temples, he thought he was already immune with her unending annoyance, but apparently not, and with strawberry boy around makes it worse.

"Smurfy, when did you become the mature one? Nel-chan got you up her leash, eh?" a long buried vein appeared on his forehead. Okay, maybe patience and restraint was never his strong points, this was one of the reasons why he dreaded her coming here. She inevitably ruins his weekend one way or the other.

"Oi! Oi Rukia! Before you give those two a hernia—" poor Renji received the slapping hands of both livid males, since they can't very well take their anger out at the raven head (for it will be returned ten fold, without a fail).

"He's mad at me," the violet eyed woman looked away, palms cradling her chin.

"No shit." Ichigo rolled his eyes

"Who the fuck wouldn't?!" Grimmjow glared.

"Did you just figure that out?" Renji gave her a bored glance.

"Tch, please," Rukia waved her hand, "Who would get mad over my lesson #23?"

For the second time that day, three boys struggled handling their food over their mouths. Hearing the infamous "lesson" brought them nightmares and more than embarrassing situations that neither three did not wish to relieved at the moment. Imagine being stuck with a bonafied actress with a quick, witty mouth, annoying you every second of the day, and at the same time made you feel powerless with a flash of her smile?

Even if it was true that lesson #23 wasn't _that_ bad, seeing that Rukia was "fun" to be with (in all funny levels of embarrassing situations) and the boys were able to look at her in a new light other than a rich, condescending brat. Who would've thought that the girl was quite the deep thinker/philosopher of her own?

"At any rate, I explained it to him, and he doesn't seem mad," Rukia stood up and going over their fridge looking for some beverage. Her eyes brightened up as she saw a pack of grape juice that they always reserved for her.

"That's impossible," Ichigo huffed, crossing his arms. He would surely worship whatever type of person who could put up with Rukia without getting pissed off—a blind, deaf, and mute person maybe…but he doubt that _any_ "adequate" man would be able to put up with her.

"Maybe you pissed him off one way or the other?" Renji pointed out. And he exactly knew how the girl could get under your skin without even knowing that you were the cause of the irritating conversation in the first place.

"If there's any, your presence is annoying enough—" the raven head pinned her straw wrapper at the blue-eyed man's hair.

"Nah, I don't think so—" she paused, poking her juice box with ease and took a long sip at it, relishing the cold liquid going down her throat.

She scrunched her face for memory, remembering how the five boys stumbled on them after she told the white-haired male that his legs weren't long enough. And then, she didn't understand for the whole period why other males informed them that _theirs_ was certainly long, and why Toushiro was acting gloomy and mad again.

"All I said was that his weren't long enough."

Only Rukia could break the record of choking the three boys without any physical contact.

"How could you say that!?" Renji sputtered, face red in anger in behalf of the male population (especially Toushiro) and from over exerting himself trying to swallow his pancakes.

"Rukia, don't you ever…" Ichigo took a long gulp of his juice to smooth down his throat, "…do that again."

"You're fucking insensitive!" Grimmjow was just glad that he wasn't there, or even experiencing half of his manly pride go to waste.

"Che, at least your girlfriends have approved of it, and seen it every single day—"

All three blushed to the tips of their hair. Completely misinterpreting the whole of events and enlarging them to different proportions.

"What the fuck?!"

"Are you insane!?"

"Shorty! Are you even a girl!?"

"What? It's true. I bet half the male population would want long—"

"GAH!!" the three tried jump and clamp her mouth to shut the nightmarish _noun_ of the day.

"—Legs." She finished with a raised brow. Her boys were acting quite odd today. Was it because of Renji's cooking? She knew that her best friend wasn't the best cook, but she didn't think that he'd go far as to food-poison himself.

"Legs?" the three echoed in confusion, seating back down in relief.

The raven head gave them a 'what-were-you-thinking' look, "Yeah. I told whitey-chan that he can't win Momo-chan without long legs. He's too short."

The sound of slurping could only be heard as none dared to fire the "rhetorical/sarcastic" question, "_So you aren't_?"

Ichigo, Renji and Grimmjow could only offer a silent prayer towards the petite, boy-genius, hoping for him to somehow, someway-- _survive_ the whole ordeal in dealing with Kuchiki Rukia. They didn't even thought of beating him up, since Rukia was enough punishment as it was.

But the journey was a long and hard one…

One full of mishaps, pain, and agonizing hours of headache.

The only hope was for Hitsugaya Toushiro to outwit the most wicked philanthropist of Seiretei U was to keep up with the girl without _dying_ in the process. But the white-haired male had a very extensive and arduous expedition to reach the top, and Rukia won't make it easier on him either.

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I just love those three. I actually want to read a Grimm/Ruki fic. Does anyone know a good one? Please do tell. And muchos gracias for the revs I love reading them, and I'm glad you all are amused! My job here is done. ;) :) until the coming update! :) Rukia will now unleash her supplementary torture--er "lessons" on poor unsuspecting fluffy...:)


	7. Shave and Preen

Hitsugaya Toushiro was a man of solitude.

And yes, despite the fact that he "goes out" with the most annoying person on the planet doesn't make his personality in comparison with said companion.

It so happens that our favorite white-haired male was quite the heavy sleeper also. While being the studious and famed genius, his brain sorely needed the complete shut down from time to time. That includes forgetting a certain evil, raven head from ruining his life by pushing them at the back of his mind, and replacing it with blissful dreams. One that includes a dead Sosuke-sensei and a buried chem. lab partner in a desert somewhere, while he enjoyed his time eating watermelons with the girl of—no pun intended—dreams.

Besides, it was a beautiful Sunday break. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, the breeze was crisp and cool and there was a very loud high-pitched sound that was sure to break his eardrums—

"TOOOOOTTTT!! (It's a whistle blowing, people--you get the point.)

In less than a second, the green eyed male shot up from bed and instinctively covering a hand over his ears, eyes firmly closed.

"Riiiiise and Shiiiine! Sunshine!"

Only one person could literally ruin his day and snap him back to cold, harsh reality.

His brows twitched as he rubbed at his eyes. Not wanting to aggravate his eyes further, or possibly commit an early murder for the person who had mistakenly woken up the dragon from hell. It was his legendary nickname for all his roommates, and it was also a reason why no one _dared_ to room with the white-haired male.

"Whitey, you are one hell of a sleeper," the intruder commented idly as Toushiro heard her pacing about his room.

"You…" he glared at the raven head with an eye open, while still rubbing the other of his sleep and trying to catch the last vestiges of his dream. It was in the good part too, when Hinamori had just leaned in towards him and nearly kiss—

"I opened the blinds, but you kept on snoring," a vein made its famous emergence back to his forehead. So that was why it was so damn blinding in his room! The freaking idiot blasted his blinds open for the whole world to see.

"And then I tried opening your windows, and you still drooled on like a baby," he does not drool! (But he subconsciously took a swipe at his chin anyways) Dammit! No wonder it was freezing like crazy in here! Was she trying to get him hypothermia? And those stupid birds—how he would just love to shoot them with his pellet gun.

In other words, Hitsugaya Toushiro was not a morning person. And anyone he touches, sees, hear, smell or even taste die by his (half-asleep) hands. Unfortunately, the raven head had other plans for him before dying by his hands, and it surely involved things that contribute to his death rather than her own.

"Come on! Up, up, up! We gotta prep you today!" Rukia walked around his bed and tugging at his sheets, and trying not to trip in the process.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he hissed, gripping tightly to his sheets as he refused to budge from the comforts of his warm bed. He took a glance at his neon alarm clock at the corner by his desk and couldn't help popping a vein. Eight o'clock. Eight fucking o'clock. It was not the time for him to be waking up at the only free day of the week.

It was ludicrous.

Whoever the hell woke him (accidentally or not) at such a mind-boggling hour at a Sunday had willingly signed their deaths and guaranteed their ritual rights to seppuku.

Rukia, however, was oblivious of taking the quill and paper and writing her name down the white-haired male's little black book as she tried pulling at his comforter sheets harder.

"Isn't it obvious? We got tons of things to do today—" only in her world…

"The only thing that I'll be doing today is _sleep_! And while you're at it—Get. The. Hell. Out. Of. My. Room!" his eyes narrowed as the green-eyed young man wrenched his sheets closer to him as he plopped back down on his bed, obviously intending to go back to sleep and ignore the raven head. Of all the people who would come at such an hour and have a freaking duplicate key…it had to be _her_.

Rukia, on the other hand, was not going to take another crappy attitude from him this early in the morning. After all, waking up at seven o'clock and not even having a breakfast (one of the little reasons why she was here today) was already taking a drain on her. And the fact that she also need help on a few-er, _some_ of her assignments that were due tomorrow—but. _But _the largest part of her mission that was truly, genuinely and wholeheartedly important was: "Preparing Hitsugaya Toushiro To Be A Man Fit for The Girl of His Dreams."

Okay…it was long (damn Renji!) and tactless. But the point was clear and succinct in which it was shortened to (by Grimmjow) "Boy Shorty's Growing Di—" er—"_Legs_." so revised by Ichigo.

'_Useless idiots_…'

She seethed silently. They didn't even help her on her current predicament, so she had to improvise and do things her own. If Toushiro would really want Hinamori "back in his arms" then he had no time lying about thinking she'll do all the work and present her in a bride's gown was she??

Hell no!

She's not getting _paid_ here!

Not to mention that he's manning up to _the_ Aizen Sosuke-sensei. The guy oozes sex appeal and pheromones. How could he rival up to _that_ when he emits icicles and snow all over the place? It was a definite no-no in Kuchiki Rukia's book.

The number one rule (in her said book) to get a girl was to shave up and preen.

And she always wondered why her previous clients balked at her in terror like it was a makeover?? Well, technically it was, but who were they to complain? They don't know the horrors and weird things women do to get good skin and sexy nails, so they better not bitch about shaving their body hair (in which all Rukia's boys protested _vehemently_, some screamed like a girl). They claimed that it was a symbol of manhood… _'Che, my ass.' _But at least she got their ugly uni-brows down, even if it means by force.

And god forbid if whitey here won't haul his ass up then there will be serious consequences that will be made.

"Get. Your. Ass. Up!" the raven head took a handful of the sheets and did the first _pivotal _mistake of the day.

Who would've thought that Hitsugaya Toushiro uses long, big and fluffy (read: manly!) comforters? He's too damn short for god's sake! She really blamed it all on him, besides he should've gotten up after all her whistle blowing.

Anger and determined to catch sleep, overpowered Rukia's own resolve to wake the white-haired male up as she saw herself in slow motion as she toppled on his bed and caught both of themselves in surprise. The raven head had unexpectedly pinned the boy underneath her, limbs tangled together and Rukia's legs straddling him down.

Tug of war in bed with black velvet sheets…it would be a mystery if Toushiro was asking for it or not. No one could ever deny the suggestive position though.

It would be fairly safe to say that the white-haired male's eyes had enlarged to such extensive proportions as the evil-bitch had literally bursts his bubble space and violated the all "Great and Encompassing Manly Rule," which—in layman's terms: The girl _can't_ work the top. But that was waaaayy besides the point, because he was certainly not thinking something so disgusting as _that_— more or less, his thoughts bordered on homicidal acts. But unlike most healthy and natural boys, blushing was a sign of a true man (I mean hello.) and probably even encourage the scene further…but…

Let's just say that Hitsugaya wasn't _normal_…but he was healthy! (he blushed, okay! And no he wasn't thinking _that_ either!) Though not in the position where it contradicts his morals, and even the thought of remotely "doing it" with _this_ girl…?

He would more than likely give himself up to be a monk.

"While I find this quite comfortable," there was a heavy sarcasm laden with her voice with a tint of teasing delight, "I strictly abide the 'no strings attached' rule."

"Likewise," Toushiro gritted. He knew she was enjoying this, now that he was fully awake and annoyed as hell, there was no stopping her doing whatever it was she was planning for him today. "Now. Get. The. Hell. Off. Me."

And like a perfect gentleman at eight o'clock in the morning, flipped his sheets over along with Rukia as she fell unceremoniously with a shriek and a painful thud on his floor. He momentarily dirt off his shoulders, feeling the "filthiness" seeping in his skin as he gracefully swung his legs at the edge of his bed.

"What the hell was that for!?" Rukia had finally succeeded in disentangling herself from the floor and the sinking idea that he had just ruthlessly thrown her on the floor. How dare he?!

"For coming in my room," He glared at her through hooded-sleepy eyes, was she this dense. I mean, he knew he was stupid and clumsy, but really? "_Unexpected_."

Rukia dusted herself as she stood up rather elegantly, "I've been in here for fifteen minutes trying to wake you up," she rolled her eyes, "I hardly think that that's "unexpected." Aside from that," her eyes took on a mischievous glint, "You might wanna save _that _energy for Momo-chan—"

"Shut up!" the white-haired male didn't hesitate to throw his pillow at Rukia's face as her giggles were muffled by the fluffy contraption.

Not only headaches visit him every weekdays, but it seems it had applied for a 24/7 job. With Rukia around, it sure did work on overtime too. He didn't know what she'll do with him today and he was surely not looking forward to it at all.

"We got a lot of things to do today and we're behind on schedule," Really, and he's missing six hours of peaceful sleep.

"My plan is to get to get you rolling to loversville with Momo-chan in less than three months," It still amazes him how she treats this whole thing as an advertisement fiasco, while his love life and his reputation was on the line. And oh, let's not forget how she loves to use such "descriptive" words that had his brows ticking in annoyance.

"But anything exceeding beyond three months," she grinned, "You would have to pay."

Toushiro's neck snapped to her direction, keeping the growl of displeasure in his throat that still managed to escape. "What happened to 'doing it for free?'" The woman was insane…and he was stupid for taking up her non-beneficial offer.

"Che, this ain't charity, fluffy—"

"Then why the hell did you tell me that this is out of your _generosity_?" he clenched his fists into a ball willing his (thinning) self-respect for a certain violet eyed woman, and restrained himself by outright smacking her head. The girl would be more suitable as a greedy merchant wasn't she?

"Relax," She waved a hand in dismissal, "It's rare for that to happen." She rubbed her chin contemplatively. "But seriously, I think this would be the hardest one I have yet to go through. That man's legs is really a disadvantage for you, but of course, we could always buy you shoe pumps—"

"Can I personally request something?" Toushiro's face was shaded, shielding his less than genteel thoughts towards the evil woman in front of him.

"Shoot," she smirked, "Need cuffs and chains?"

The infamous vein pulsed hotly on his forehead, but the green eyed male managed to breath through his nose and voiced out said request without miraculously shattering his teeth and with a successfully flat voice.

"I don't mind enduring your abominable presence," Rukia was about to utter a retort until he held out his hand accompanied with an icy glare. "And I don't care about getting hurt in the process, but—" his green eyes bored though her in a grave manner that _almost_ all pretenses of joking was simply kicked out of the room. "But if Hinamori gets hurt—rest assured that I will—"

"Maim, shoot, skin, drown, castrate, impale, decapitate, tear me apart limb from limb, or bury me in a desert somewhere," she finished for him, counting off with her dainty fingers, "Heard it all, whitey. While I value my life, I would never do something as to endanger any of my clients' feelings.

Toushiro gave her a dubious look, even though he wasn't that surprised at her accurate description of certain inevitable deaths (seeing that she was probably used to the threats issued to her by other clients) it was still quite amazing.

"So? I could seriously kill you?" he almost breathed in relief and awe.

"You could try," she nodded in a factual manner, "But don't forget that I'm a _priceless_ Kuchiki heir-"

He snorted.

"And that I'm your only key to achieving a good love life with Hinamori." She stated with deliberate confidence, "You would already be six feet under depression right now if it weren't for my genius sense of love. You being short enough is already torture, but your insipid-idea-for-romance seriously had no match to your gargantuan brain compared to mine."

It was astonishing how she could talk a person down in complete insult right in their face. And Hitsugaya Toushiro could only clench and unclench his fists in well-masked rage. _'Must…not…kill sponsor's…evil—sister…' _

He could do getting along with her (as a "boyfriend") for ninety one days, thirteen weeks and 2,184 hours and 131,040 seconds with her…can't he?

Of course…(?)

"Here's a ball whitey," Rukia threw him a palm-sized baseball, ignoring the added vein on his head at her fondness of the new nickname. "I figured you'd destroy stress balls in less than a week. And I don't want you bleeding all over your palms if you're going to continue this unrestrained anger—"

"I am not!" he lashed at her.

"Look, your squeezing it—" she pointed out with a flash of a smile.

And truth be told, he was.

"Though, maybe it'll be better if I got you two—"

"It is not necessary—"

"Fluffy-"

"Stop that-!"

"Do you know how Sosuke—"

"Frankly, I don't give a fuck, and bluntly I don't "know" him in _any_ way." The white-haired male cut her off rudely, eyes narrowed near to slits, knowing that she would go on about one-sided epithets that would just peel his skin and rub the salt. He hates it when people compared him to others, and especially when it concerns their English Lit. professor.

"See!" the raven head jumped to her feet, eyes practically bulging as she emphasized it with a flourish of hand movements. "This is one of your biggest and ugliest flaws!!"

"Enlighten me," he couldn't help it if his eyes had been traveling skyward every two minutes.

"That." Her voice dulled, pointing to him in an obvious manner. "Your ABA problem."

"My what?" he turned to her, irritated.

"You're A: Arrogant; B: Boring; and A: Asshole." Rukia did not beat around the bush, "If you know Momo well enough, then I really don't blame her chillin' with superman. If you don't want the three-month-payment-deadline, then we'll just have to dive for the _extreme_."

"Point being…" Forget the fact that he's angry, because we all know that he had a bottomless storage of wrath against the raven head. But he did not like where she was going with this, and he didn't like it at all when the raven head sat down next to him and unabashedly slung her arms around his shoulders.

"Arrogance could be a turn off," oh she was going to have fun, "But it could be one deadly, seducing weapon if used in the right way." It was like having one devil in one shoulder and another in angel's disguise, as Rukia whispered to him in a conspiratorial manner.

And yes, Hitsugaya Toushiro did not like it at all.

The plan was set, the ball was rolled…and everything was left for the downhill of rocky events.

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All apologies for an unexpectedly late update—I figured I've been updating every other day or somewhere around that timeline, and quite proud of myself (pats self on back). I hope the little Hitsu/Ruki fluff slip-up was enough to satisfy all you guys' naughty needs. lol (though it was more of a cute fluff) A million thanks for the revs. :) :) They really pump me up to write! ;) ;) And I might take up the offer to write a grimm/ruki fic. What d'ya guys think??


	8. Kryptonite

She didn't understand why men were such _prude_ creatures, when in truthful reality they were bestial idiots that had estates, vacation houses or had permanent residences in the _gutter._

Maybe it only counts the virgins (like Ishida, Kenryuu, Kira, Ashido, Renji, Grimmjow—and lets' not forget, Ichigo). The older men had no problems with it…well of course seeing that they probably had a "taste" of it before, it still baffles her that the guys she worked with were so sensitive it rivals a woman in her moons.

And Hitsugaya Toushiro was no different.

In retrospect, her plan was foolproof. Like everything else that landed several of her clients to traumatic disorders, but that's beside the point.

It was a surefire success and easy, considering that even though Toushiro was lacking in the height department (that she highly believed could be easily fixed with shoe pumps), the raven head was also aware that his fan girl cults weren't established for nothing.

And she wasn't going to admit it out loud, but seducing Hinamori Momo wasn't that hard seeing whitey-chan got the _looks_. But the poise, the attitude, his whole composition was just…_inadequate_. And that was if he truly wanted Momo's full attention and away from Superman, then he had to rise above being Robin and take the role of Batman.

Unknowingly she began to draw said figures on her desk out of boredom (distinguished only by batman's batty wings, and a large S on superman's bulging chest). Okay, maybe Batman had no chance against Superman (I mean really, the guy only had to see kryptonite to fall flat on his ass, how gay is that?) and batman had several emotional issues…which perfectly fit our white-haired male's position.

But nothing can be deemed impossible without trying. And godammit if she had to, Rukia will boost said batman with steroids if only to get his damsel of distress.

All in all, to get Hinamori Momo's attention, one had to play dirty. And by playing dirty doesn't leave out many options. She'd learned that after conversing and analyzing Sosuke-sensei's aptitude, that one had to do the unforeseen to get an opportunity—and that was pulling the rug right out of where he least expected.

Playing dirty doesn't really give much out in knowing your morals. And that was when you're desperate and hopelessly in love. A case that Rukia knew the white-haired male had found himself in.

Using a logical _metaphor_, let's say kryptonite was out of this world. Meaning all plans of even "trying" to get Momo's interest, from getting chocolate, flowers, gifts, serenades, or hiring an orchestra would be for naught. One would look too desperate, bordering the stalker mode, in which all males should never (ever) had the embarrassing note of experiencing. And in the end, superman would reign supreme over the girl.

Now after gauging her enemy, the raven head had figured a way that would produce the kryptonite that would surely drop superman to his knees (side story: with batman finally reaching victory).

With the same technique, but a much more elusive and suave on Toushiro's part—"The Seduction of Hinamori Momo" (kryptonite, if some of you were lost in the metaphor) was devised.

In which Rukia could only nod in assent at the rather sleek and definite brilliancy of her plans.

Now if only the person she was urging to use this method be as enthusiastic as her, everything would just be peach-candy-dandy. Unfortunately, after revealing her Nobel-prize-worthy-plan, said idiot began to rant on and on about righteous morals and that it was a sin against all deities and "Like hell I'd do some crap like that!!"

Immediately chucking her ultimate weapon and plan in the garbage. For a self-proclaimed genius he was just too close-minded. But the violet-eyed woman will not give up, even if it means doing the dirty deeds herself.

"Stupid fluffy…" Rukia mumbled under her breath, and angrily drawing a rigid straight line across batman on her desk.

For some reason her Japanese Lit. and History class was always warm and comforting, and always made her sleepy and just lethargic. But not because it was boring, oh no—not at all, in fact it was _absolute_ entertainment. There was completely nothing dull about their Kyoraku-sensei and his blatant display of affections to his assistant professor, Ise Nanao, who would return it with distinct violence.

Other than that, Kyoraku-sensei was not the "abide by the rules" type of person so pretty much all students were very amiable towards him.

And what other place could provide her a relaxing venue for a brooding place…?

"Rukia-chan, while I find it cute that you're doodling on my desk _again_," their very…_traditional _professor intoned with silent humor, arms at the back of his head and the ever present old straw hat shading his face.

Students were always welcome to come early in his class, and probably to just catch a few z's in the process, besides, it's not like he was inclined to do anything "academic-like" unless his beautiful assistant fires him up for a lecture in Edo period. "I'm more interested as to what the most adorable—after my Nanao-chan of course, be worried about.

"Me? Worried?" Rukia gave a feigning hand to her chest, eyes baffled.

The long, curly-haired professor could only grin at her failed attempt of nonchalance. Kuchiki Rukia was one of his best historical researchers in class, and she had a witty mouth that could rival his assistant professor. Of course, she was too fiery for his taste, and it was illegal…but only if he was a decade or two younger he would definitely try for the girl.

Ah young days…

"Rukia-chan, is it boy problems?" while it was surprising that the raven head didn't have a boyfriend, it sure makes up to a whole lot of bodyguards.

"Kyoraku-sensei, is it Nanao-chan or Risa-chan?" the innocent (read: evil) question was fired back with a resulting cringed from the usually indolent professor. Why does she had to bring up his (love life) problems.

"Touché, Kuchiki." The dark brown haired man sank lower on his seat. It was a dangerous topic knowing that one of his best students was also a very adept "matchmaker." "How 'bout you answer my question first, eh? Besides, you weren't very helpful with giving me advice on my lovely Nanao-chan."

"I told you, Nanao-chan was the less perverted one," the violet-eyed woman sighed , exasperatedly as if talking to a child.

Ise Nanao and Yadomaru Risa were cousins, and worked in the same building, and both were fancied by this certain perverted professor. But of course, Rukia had the revelation that Nanao-chan was the better girl for this _particular_ man. She keeps him on his toes, '_And makes this class less dull_…'

"I'm kind of wondering whether you're purposely trying to mix them up so you could keep both of them."

"How rude—"

"And Nanao-chan works as you assistant professor-"

"But she wears glasses—"

"And so does Yadomaru-sensei-"

"Good point." Kyoraku rubbed at his temples. It was hard trying to prove a Kuchiki wrong, especially this one. She sure takes after her brother. "But you haven't answered my question: Is it boy problems?"

"Do you always interrogate people who come in search of peace?" there was a pout followed by the annoyed question.

"Now, now Rukia-chan, you're not answering my question again," he sing-songed as he shifted comfortably in his seat, the usual pink sakura patterned hakama draped over his shoulders.

"Fine," the raven head pouted and dug deeper on her seat, "My _boyfriend_ hates me."

Now most of the time, nothing shocks the Japanese Lit. professor, and that includes getting his best friend and linguistics professor, Jyushiro Ukitake, drunk and running naked during their college years. And if he had sake, he surely spat them out painfully through his nose right now.

"W-who might the lucky boy be-?" he was barely able to keep his voice from cracking up.

"Fluffy-chan." She gave him a flat stare.

"Mou…Rukia-chan, are you pulling the confidential thing—"

"Course not. You didn't specifically ask for a name, so why should I be liable to give it to you?"

"Are you by chance taking law classes?"

"Psychology suits me better."

"Ah," an interested brow rose to the fringe of his bangs, "So you'd rather give a nickname of intimacy?"

"Is Yadomaru-sensei leaving playboys under your desk?" was the deadpanned question.

"Ahaha, now-Kuchiki," the curly-haired professor sweat dropped, "I assure you, I only hold holy drinks under my table—"

"Sake?"

"They're holy—"

"Senseiii…" the raven head drawled out, obviously wanting answers to her unspoken problems. While the man was as lazy as a sloth, his mind was as sharp as a swordfish (for lack of better animal personifications). And he was one of the professors she trusted besides Ukitake-sensei, that would not judge a person by their views.

"Well, you could always get into his good graces in bed—"

A hardbound copy of _The Tale of Genji_ skyrocketed off from the first row to his desk and into his forehead, effectively slamming the man into an undignified heap into the floor.

"Rukia-chaaann…" the pained groan on the floor had trouble sitting back up.

"You're definitely cheating with Ise-sensei—"

"And you're definitely looking at a week's detention for that assault." After brushing off non-existing dust and adjusting his favorite hakama, he regarded his cutest (next to Nanao-chan) student of his class. He found himself wanting a daughter that should look just like her. Of course, it would be seeing that Nanao-chan was quite adorable herself, but that was for another topic—when he actually _have_ the woman.

"Okay then, what is it this time? Another disaster Ichigo? Hurricane Renji? Or tiger-boy Grimmjow?" and yes he was all too aware of her schemes with other boys "finding eternal love," and she, ever the elusive Kuchiki, remains single.

She sighed, stretching her arms and legs as she yawned. "Is more of a…" her face crinkled, "A dragon with an icicle up his ass, and a rock for brains…" she mumbled under her breath, "or maybe a watermelon."

"Oho," Kyoraku-sensei, at that moment was struck with bolt-lightning epiphany. "Your type of man, eh?"

Which electrified and incinerated the girl enough for her jaw to travel down to the floor, which was a rare sight as seeing Nanao-chan in a black lacy bra (and no he was NOT peeping).

"What the hell!?"

"Am I right?"

"Hell no!"

"Language, princess—"

"How could you think that!? I mean, _eww_!!" she made gagging faces, but the blush did not dispel her disgust from the insinuation.

"May I hint on a few facts that in which I came into this revelation?" his eyes twinkled, it was very rare to see a Kuchiki get riled up, it's actually quite fun.

"For once then, please do your job as a respectful history professor," he dismissed the sarcasm in her tone and rather diverted it as a challenge issued. He always was the one who liked details and evidences.

"This boy you are spending time with—"

"My client," she raspberried, and glared at the suggestive look he gave her, "In matchmaking, "and quickly denying whatever hell-born statement he could come up with.

"He occupies your mind," he smirked knowingly.

"For fear of getting involved with a crime, and a load of embarrassing moments, yes." She narrowed her eyes further.

"You like being with him." Kyoraku tried reaching a pitchy voice that was surely annoying the young girl.

"Being the superior person, maybe," Rukia gritted out.

"You think he's cute."

"Oh yeah, and I think Omaeda-sensei is the hottest, ravishing man in the world—"

"You're going to fall in love with him—"

"When hell freezes over with an ice rink, and Barbie says the "f me" word on one of her records."

"You're denying it, Rukia-chan-"

"You're assumptions are the most-most—argh!" the raven head fixed him an angry glare, not really wanting a detention from something so childish and justified as calling her professor nothing short of debasing words. It was no use trying to win an argument with her history professor, it would only land her to heaps of trouble and "class participation" (much to her chagrin) and the inevitable admittance of defeat.

"I'm right!"

"Not!" her eyes bordered murderous, "We're just friends, and it will stay that way! And you're not even—ugh! Forget it! I'll figure it out on my own." Rukia picked up her books and prepared to storm out of the room. All her brooding fruitless and questions unanswered.

It was easier bugging off younger (virgin) men than the experienced professors that clearly had too much time on their hands.

If no one will give her answers then she'd just proceed with the kryptonite theory. Whitey-chan will just have to go through it, or so help her god—

"I still think a night with him will surely take all the anger—!"

"Shut up!!"

Her voice echoed through the empty halls and back to his class as Kyoraku-sensei smiled to himself and mulled over the possibilities of Kuchiki Rukia's blooming love life. Maybe a bet with Ukitake will save him expenses for a date. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, grinning at the prospect—

"Drinking on the job, sensei?"

The cold undertones promising punishment was met by a drop in degrees of temperature, and the glinting of the glasses from her frames.

"I-oh! My lovely Nanao-ch—"

"Coupled by your perverted grin, I'd say you're harassing students-"

"Wh-what? Now why would you think that?" he batted his eyelashes innocently at her, hiding furtively behind his straw hat.

"A frightful and rather disturbed Kuchiki-san left your room in a dash." Her glasses had took on a maddeningly, bright gleam.

"I-uh…" he blinked owlishly, pissing off one of the best actresses of Seiretei was not a very good idea. She somehow always gets back right on biting their ass.

Having a child with the same face as the raven-haired girl and an attitude like the woman in front of him…suddenly wasn't to very appealing, as Nanao advanced on him like prey, a large book in hand.

"Now, now, Nanao-chan, let's settle this like _adults_—"

"Of course."

Satisfied at the painful shrieks from the class, Rukia felt more relieved and refreshed. And just like an adult, she was going to convince fluffy of her plan, whether he liked it or not.

And one more resolve came with it.

Kuchiki Rukia and Hitsugaya Toushiro were _just friends_, and it will stay that way. Just like with all her clients.

She was cupid, and he was the desperate boy. Her arrows were always accurate, and precise. Hinamori Momo was the target—that was it, nothing more and nothing less.

But sometimes, arrows slipped in the most unexpected times and hitting the most unforeseen individuals, even if they were just playing cupid, and even if the boy was supposedly in love with another.

Besides, Kuchiki Rukia can _direct_ someone, but she can never rule out her very own fate.

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Sorry for the lack of hitsu/ruki fluff, but this was just a filler chapter haha, next would be another hitsu/ruki moments. I put this up so that you guys would have more of feel on the dramatic irony of the story that is unraveling, and the inevitable downfall of the mighty. XD love all the revs! Merci beaucoup for all of'em! :) :)


	9. Break and Make Over

It was his happy day.

His happy _week_ in fact, everything was going along _undisturbed_.

Hitsugaya Toushiro didn't know if the evil bitch had just croaked out in a ditch somewhere or was abducted by aliens, but he didn't care. He was free! His whole week was spent without any of her annoying schemes, or not even a peep of conversations that involved him getting back the girl of his dreams by some weird, unknown doomed-plan.

It was a miracle! It was too good to be true! He was going to rejoice! Oh happy day! O happy day—!

Wait.

_Why?_

Well, she had been pretty adamant, this the white-haired male pondered. Why the sudden doused of water over the bonfire? She had always been very forceful, sneaky, and manipulative. Why would she now, all of sudden, drop the bucket? It was actually…_disconcerting_, now that he thought deeply about it.

There was something amiss.

And for our boy genius, something not of his knowledge makes him restless and, dare we say it, nervous. Whatever the hell it was, it was at the back of his mind now, but he had just to be extra careful. He was just glad that nothing had happened the whole week, that he was safe and never again in the clutches of—

"Fluffy!! My love!"

He made the victory dance jig (in his head) too soon. And it was replaced with the irrevocable twitches of his brow. He knew it. He knew that she would pull something like this…in _class _no less. With her arms draped over his shoulders and face intimately close to his, there was no other reason that others would start winking at them and some groaning or squealing at the "cute" pair they made.

"Fluffy" was bad enough, (in which he was called by fellow comrades, but decidedly shut them up by a _promisin_g glare) but putting strawberries on top with the "my love" had definitely warranted a death sentence from him.

How he loathed her so.

"Fluffy, how 'bout we go for a date, huh?" '_How 'bout I dumped you off a waste land, huh?'_

She grinned from ear to ear, whispering loudly enough in his ear for the whole class to hear. "You should take me out more."

He knew she was enjoying this too much, and before she gets all unwanted mushy crap on him in front of the whole population then it's better to consent on her act and drag them away from prying eyes.

"Well then, Rukia-_chan_, lead the way." He gritted out in pure restrained rage, unknowingly snatching her wrist and dragging her out the door as she gave a girly wave of "Happy Weekend Everyone!"

Of course…only in their (damning) world, the white-haired male was sure to make seven destinations from hell and back. He should've known, should've known that she was just stringing him up. Dangling freedom so close and ripping it away maliciously as she yanked him down to a dark abyss, one that he could truly not escape.

"My love, where are we—"

"Drop the act." he gave her a withering glare as they turned a corner.

"Oh my why would you—" she grinned as they went inside the unpopulated library, eyes scanning as she promptly dropped her façade with a playful smile. "Whitey, how's it goin'?"

"How's it going?" the white-haired male hissed, now she had the gall to play innocent, "After not mentioning all that crap and the deal was off—"

"I never said the deal was off," the raven head gave him a flat stare.

"Then what exactly have you been doing the past week?"

"Oho! Did you miss me?"

"If you died, perhaps."

"Too bad you're stuck with me."

He ran an irate hand through his spiked white hair, sighing in frustration as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Now was not the time to act childish, he had to take the first step and be mature, because this woman was growing backwards, and not in the most endearing ways either. And to get straight answers, he needs to start back up from the top and work his way down to the little details, like why the hell was she suddenly pulling out such a-a _disgusting_ act in class.

"What was all that act back there?"

"Think, fluffy—"

"Woman—"

"I'm you're _"girlfriend" _" and their goes her air quotes, "As much as I hate to act all sweet and sappy with you, I have to go through it. You're not the only one suffering here—"

"Doing this after all is settled down," his lips twitched, while the previous shock of their union surprised many, but like all other news, it comes and goes. But now, this girl had just rekindled the stupid little incident back to a forest fire. He was sure he was going to get a load of condoms from his neighbors today again. Damn them all!

"I don't remember us breaking up," the quirk of her lips annoyed him more than ever.

"That's not what I meant, just don't get carried away _talking_ like that-"

"Like what?" she batted her eyelashes.

He shot her a you-know-damn-well-what-I'm-talking-about, "Like, "_Oh! My love, how I miss you_-!" –it's disgusting."

The raven head stood flabbergasted at the attempted personification of her act, "Whitey, you are so worse than Ichigo doing the impersonation of me."

"Tch, what are you talking about? That's exactly what you look like." Toushiro gave her a haughty look. And while Rukia's other clients would still be pissed and ranting off after a deliberate insult to their pride, he was more attuned in handling her insults, especially when it comes to talent superiority. He wasn't a prodigy for nothing.

"Oh please, you were worse than when I caught my brother watching Oprah and _sniffing_," the raven head gave him you-have-no-idea look, "And he said he was channel surfing, while he had Kleenex in front of him."

"I don't need to know that!" he huffed, willing the image of the defined and aristocratic heir of Hougyoku Corps sniveling in front of an Oprah show, out of his mind. "Why the hell are you even telling me this!?"

"You're right, there's no point telling you that I am the best actress in Seiretei, and you are nothing but a genius with no finesse." She confirmed with a nod, as the latter decisively kept his mouth shut from prolonging the pointless argument, and stirred to a topic that would actually make sense.

Toushiro crossed his arms, "So, what exactly do you want?"

"A date!" she squealed, as if the answer was obvious in all angles.

"No way!"

"But I'm your girlfriend!"

"You. Are. _Not_. My. Girlfriend!"

"Shut up and take responsibility!"

"For your information, I'm still broke from your stupid Thai restaurant--!"

"Ugh," she rolled her violet eyes heavenward, "If this is how you'll act around Momo, I wouldn't be surprise if she dropped you for Ganju next time."

"And I wouldn't be surprised if you couldn't get married by the age of fifty."

"Oh, low blow, fluffy." Her eyes took on a challenging look, "At least I'm not going to be my best friend's best man."

"So what?" he sniffed disdainfully as he looked down at her with haughty emerald eyes, "You'll grow old without realizing you can't even get a man with that attitude."

"Heh, look who's talking," she glared frostily at him, "Unlike you, I'm more experienced, and in your case, I sure as hell have enough _balls_ to get the girl I like with whatever means necessary."

Her act was perfectly taking its place, and it wouldn't be too long until the white-haired male would take the bite and sink his fangs at her well-planned out strategy.

"Hmph, is that so?" his tone dripped with sarcasm, eyes testing her statement.

"That's right," she turned away from him, casually reading a book at a nearby table, effectively hiding a devious smile on her face.

She always knew that Toushiro was the type of person who never backed out of a challenge, or even let someone prove him wrong. If anyone would tell him that he couldn't read all the volumes in this library, the little dork would die trying to read them all. It was just all a matter of reverse psychology. (Finally something _worthwhile _in her psychology class!) He wouldn't even realize that he was admitting to her challenge.

"I bet you can't get a woman in campus _or_ even beyond that," '_Bite the bait, whitey_.'

"And what makes you think I can't?" he gritted his teeth. The white-haired male admits than while he was hopeless with Hinamori, he knew he had fan clubs that's enough to boosts his popularity, and evidence that he wasn't that tactless when it involves the female specie.

"Don't even try to think that your little fan clubs, count as one," the raven head pierced through his thoughts, "Because they're just obsessed, rabid girls that I know you wouldn't even give the time or day to notice. Not to mention you'd rather get a C than spend an hour with them."

He narrowed his emerald eyes, was she implying that he was _impotent_?

"And seeing that you can't get a normal girl," she was going to reel him in on this one, "What makes _you_ think you'll par up in even to superman and deserve Momo's attention."

"Are you saying I can't get a girl?"

"That's what I've been seeing."

"Really?"

"Damn right."

"You're wrong."

" 'That so?"

"I _can_ get a girl," he blushed, as he glared back at her in defiance, "_Even_ out of campus."

Like all laws of gravity, what comes up goes down. And just as Rukia placed any female bait (like Momo) he was sure to take it, '_'Like all other males with egos and denial problems'_ she rolled her eyes inwardly.

' '_Bout damn time…'_

The cheshire grin alerted him as she took a step towards the white-haired male with an intent, violet eyes twinkling. "Well then, you'll just have to prove it to me, Shiro-_chan_."

He wished he had backed out of this one challenge—just this once.

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"No." Toss.

He twitched.

"No." Hurl.

Was it so wrong to stab her now?

"No." Giggle.

Or maybe just break her leg and run for it.

"Pfft-I'd die a happy woman if I see you on _that_-"

"What the hell are we doing here!?"

And there goes the question of the century…

What was the purpose of them coming into the _mall_?

Toushiro hated the mall, he hated being crowded with so many people, and stupid girls that kept winking and glancing at him as if he was a piece of eye candy! But at least his "companion" didn't insist to stay long in the swarming areas, but rather dragged him into a more classic and expensive-looking store. He hated shopping! And god forbid if she asked him to buy something, one of them will end up in the hospital…

What kind of torture was this anyways!? He thought...he thought…Well, what exactly did he thought?

Well…he thought--!

"You're here to prove to me that you're capable of picking up a girl," the raven head didn't even glance at him as she continued to peruse the racks looking for clothes…specifically, men's clothes.

"I thought you'd say something stupid,"

"What was that?"

"Nothing. I just don't see," his lips trembled (a vain attempt to kept in debasing words), a vein appearing in his forehead as some woman went past them, whistled and winked at him. "Why we're _here_?"

Rukia finally turned to him, brows raised superciliously as she gave him an annoying once over, "What you can't make up for height you could always compensate for the looks." She grinned as she waved for an assistant, "Keep that in mind, fluffy."

"That doesn't answer my—"

"Hi! How may I help you?" the assistant was more than happy to oblige as she blushed at Rukia's consort.

"Ah yes," she stepped up over the elder woman and whispered conspiratorially over her ears, and the white-haired male was left to seethe silently as they obviously kept on with their little schemes. He felt like a lamb to slaughter…in the most _fashionable_ ways.

"Oh! That would be wonderful—" the raven head nodded, the maddening grin plastered on her face.

"Yes! We have!" the look in her violet eyes was something Toushiro did not want to see.

"Ah! Well of course! That would be fantastic!" soon she had converted the assistant into a crazed woman, like all others who felt like dress up was such a fun idea. If only he had the chance to run after seeing that both of them were—

"Right this way, sir!" he was then immediately hauled by the surprisingly strong bleached haired woman.

"Wait—what the hell--?! Rukia!"

"I'll be waiting at the lounge!" she waved gleefully (read: evilly) at him, "You have to model for me, okay!"

Oh. Hell. No.

Was this her…her—_Dreadful Makeover_.

What the--how could she do this?! How could she easily trap him!!

He thought she was bluffing, hell he thought it was just a joke but—

The white-haired male was chucked into a (dark) room as the assistant called in their personal tailor. And the personal tailor—

"Oh! What a cute little man we have here!" the hideous make up, the fake afro hair, the rouge lips, the fitting black suit completed with a red bow.

Oh. God. No.

Of all tailors…this should be illegal! He should've been lynched a long time ago! What happened to the traditionally/normal old, bald geezers!?

All Toushiro could do was cringed and back away as said tailor-man-from-space came closer to him, and the fucking assistant had closed the door on them! This was not good, this was not—

"Don't be shy," _'I'm fucking scared, you maniac!!'_

"Uh—no-I—" he backed into a wall. _Oh. Shit_.

"Hehe, you're so cute!" the avidly _characterized_ male tailor sauntered towards him, measuring tape in hand, "I don't bite." he purred, much to the emerald eyed male's horror.

"This won't take long…" his eyes gleamed brightly with a lunatic luster, as he snapped the measuring tape.

'_Fuck it all…'_

"Would you like some tea, while you wait, miss?"

"Oh," Rukia smiled amiably, satisfied at the terrified yells and colorful curses behind the other door. "Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you."

She crossed her legs as the assistant went and got her drink. She shook her head in amusement, as a distinct "Don't touch me _there_, you motherfu—!"

Who knew whitey had such a potty mouth, her smile turned out into a full blown grin as she busied herself with an Elle magazine.

'_Sorry fluffy, but all my boys had to go through this…you're no exception_.'

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Bahahahahah (cackles evilly) somehow this reminds me of some movie than I can't remember lol. But hope ya'll loved it! I certainly did! Thanks all for the revs! I feel very encouraged with all of them, especially to those who didn't skip a beat reviewing all chapters-you guys are the awesomest!! :):)


	10. Placing Bets

Kuchiki Rukia could feel it…

The brilliance of her working mind…

The tediousness and hard work that she devoted all her time combined with the intricacy of her cleverness…she will succeed, she will prevail, and dammit she will get this done and over with—

"Sean Connery!"

The raven head squealed as she raised her hands in triumph, a tongue cutely jutting out from her lips as she quickly jot down said name on the word box. She had been so bored, and the fact that she made the assistant "do some work" by asking mundane things like some drinks or snacks. Fluffy was sure taking long in getting his sizes and clothes done and away with. And she was not happy playing with stupid celeb board games!

Fluffy's enraged yells had died down about a fifteen minutes ago. But there were still some occasional curses and notable whacking sounds (assuming that he must be using his fist or other inane objects to keep the insane tailor a five feet radius away from him).

Although it never really baffles her anymore, it sort of like second nature for her to hear guys scream like little school girls over a thing such as getting their measures taken. Hell, they were worse than a woman who had been asked in public what her weight was. I mean, she did have experience with several (virgin) people for make over, and yes all of them fell for the same trick. It was quite fun stirring them up, thinking that they're going to win with their enlarged male egos, and proving their superiority to her…never knowing that the rug was slowly being pulled under them.

Ah…fun times.

Now that she thought about it, the funniest reaction that that she had was Grimmjow, then Renji, and surprisingly Ichigo (who she thought was the most amusing) topped her number 3 list. You might be wondering how Grimmjow got her fave top list…

Let's just say that Rukia thought (really thought) that his hair was NOT real. Who the hell had natural blue hair? Seriously? She bought Ichigo's orange hair (surprisingly enough) because after meeting his father, she got the point…he must've had a very traumatic childhood. Maybe his mother ate too much carrots during her gestation period (hey it could happen!), and so had accepted the theory—but blue? She drew the line tolerating Ichigo's abnormally orange hair (and contradicting name, she thought Renji should have it), but she could never-ever believe Grimmjow's hair was truly blue.

And as any scientists proving stupid little things by experiment through scientific method, Rukia skipped the hypothesis and screwed with said experiment. Besides, she was feeling bold that day after their chem. professor (actually) complimented her on a straight week fire-alarm-free …

In which also resulted in having Toushiro (boy-genius and _professional _flame extinguisher) to be her permanent lab partner, saving the whole of university from possible internal terrorism, made by one tiny midget of a woman.

And she was only one step away to define her skills with a poor unsuspecting Grimmjow as her lab rat and second variable. The raven head had seriously thought his hair was not blue (and also because she told him that green (Nel) and blue (him) did not work, and were fashionably mismatched. And later she defended that their kid would resemble a whacked out alien straight from Kurotsuchi-sensei's cages/jars).

And in so doing, proceeded to prove her guess…

She _bleached_ it.

Needless to say the blue eyed male (with the largest understatement) went raving mad, looking like a misplaced bull with sky blue hair that look liked cotton candy. Renji and Ichigo didn't help much after they kept on with their pathetic jokes and ridiculous guffaws for two months.

Luckily she was only save by a hair (no pun intended) before Grimmjow went panther-like animalistic (with the growling and the hissing and the pouncing with his bat) on her, when she had called in _the_ big man.

His cousin, Ulquiorra Schiffer, the green eyed, pale faced and stoic man worked at their company as the head of the secret force. He was stronger than Grimmjow. He hated his cousin. And most of all—had been very protective of Rukia since she was just a child…and apparently he still was.

It was something the blue haired man didn't dare cross ever in his lifetime or the next…

The last time he did, was quite…well, the fact that he stayed in the hospital for three months spoke volumes of his limit against the green eyed ex-captain commander of the Hougyoku secret corps. And the evil raven haired woman got away with the last laugh.

But besides the point, and coming down to the subject at hand, all Rukia's clients really hated- and had no say whatsoever when it comes down to it. No one had yet to escape from her "dreadful makeover" as many liked to say/scream at her. It would only be unfair if one of them didn't go through it, and whitey—in the name of all that she swore after taking in this commitment of matchmaking people, had no choice against the matter.

She sighed, elegantly taking a sip of her tea—

"Miss!" the raven head almost choked and spat the liquid out of her mouth.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I—"

"It's okay—" the bleach haired assistant helped her white the violet eyed woman's front shirt. She really had to stop popping out of nowhere and giving their customers a heart attack.

"Well, so how was—"

"Ah yes! He's ready!"

"Is he?" Rukia raised a brow as she followed the assistant in front of the door where screams and bloody murder were most abundant.

"We found a pretty good fit," the woman was bubbling in delight, seemingly more eager than the raven head.

"Alright, let's see him then."

"Of course!"

"…"

"…"

"Hey, did you croak out there?" she took a step. Though she knew it was likely that the white haired male committed murder on the tailor himself, if that happens, she wasn't in it.

"Pierre?" the assistant worriedly nibbled her fingers.

…

"Whitey! I won't laugh! Just come out! I'm sure you'd look much more like a people-person ," she smirked.

….

"U-umm…P-Pierre," the woman beside whispered in concern, knowing that many men had actually filed harassment suit on the poor man, but none had gone so far as to kill him. She hoped it was the former.

….

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Done—

Rukia rolled her violet eyes. Why do they all act like such shy little _lambs _after making the ruckus from earlier? It wasn't like she's asking him to come out naked for crying out loud.

"Come on fluffy! Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that your first time was with a—"

The door was yanked open faster than she could blink and—

_Thud._

The body of the tailor lay lifeless on the floor.

And no he wasn't murdered. (thank god)

"…man." Rukia finished, miraculously-without dropping her jaw.

The shoes caught her interest first, black, Italian ones, and then upper was the pants that flared slightly and fittingly up his tampered waist, the white button up sleeves complimented nicely in contrast with the black suit in two buttoned up-pristine clean and wrinkle free. Her eyes then traveled upwards to his forest green tie, his broad shoulders were more pronounced, and arms more angular while his eyes took on the finest glint of emerald which completed the look. His stunning white hair was also swept back regally, as one lock fell just above his left eye, a fresh different look far cry from his usual unkempt and spiked hair.

Another thud soon followed suit behind Rukia.

Expressions were unnecessary, jaw dropping had no time for this, besides—two people had already fainted.

'_Well, I'd be damned…'_ Rukia tried keeping the blush off her face, reminding herself that it always happens whenever her boys got their ultimate makeover. And who would've thought, that Shiro-chan could actually look _decent_.

She smirked at the more than annoyed young man, ruined said look with a fierce glare down the already fainted tailor on the floor as he irritatingly adjusted his suffocating tie. The fucking gay-tailor-from-hell tried to feel him up "by helping," and when he said "My ass!" the damned pervert actually said "With pleasure!"

Of course he knocked him a good one.

His eyes quickly found the (precious) light as he adjusted room the sudden lightness in the room, emerald orbs connecting with—

"Well, I'd say-you pull off a pretty good Armani look without looking like a drag."

And so enters the origins of all evil, his bane of existence, the woman he vowed to kill ten times over and boxed off to the Himalayas. With a smug grin and eyes full of self-pride at her current "masterpiece."

All his anger came out full force. "You—"

"Are a genius, Kuchiki Rukia." she finished with a gesture, slowly walking up to him.

"No! You fucking—"

"Generous goddess—"

"Godammit! I hate you—"

"But I'm you girlfriend-"

"No you're—!" a finger was quickly pressed to his lips, her violet eyes reflected with his emerald orbs as she stood closer to him, their noses almost touching.

"You look really good."

She smiled genuinely up at him, and all words died at the white-haired male's lips, a slow blush creeping up his face. He didn't expect that…it was completely out of blue and out of the damn subject! The white haired male took a double take at his limited 'Rukia-Dictionary' which only consists of: _bitch_ (in bold), _evil _(in ye olde English), crazy, stupid, freak, demanding, man-voice, smartass, and over all curse of his life.

Cute—did not register in said dictionary-hell it was freaking denied! And he would erase all memory of her violet eyes (it was not twinkling!) the tiny quirk of her pink lips (it was fake!) and the tilt of her head to the side—was so not cute! He'd even approve of Ikakku having a sprout of hair than this girl being…being…humanly adorable-?

Hell no!

He was (supposed to be) angry, and now all of a sudden-she just smiled her usual (well he guessed this had more flair) fanged treacherous smile and then…what the hell was that??

But as usual, the evil bitch broke whatever spell she casts, and he was sort of thankful for it.

"But you're still not up to standard with Sosuke-sensei—"

The vein came back to life, twitching in all its glory.

Rukia automatically and out of habit (with her brother) frowned at his crooked and sort of wrinkled tie. Assuming that he must've done the crappy job himself in fear of getting molested, the raven head, unknowingly started re-tying it.

"Wh-wha—?"

"You should learn how to tie ties, little one."

"Shut up!" he hissed, "It doesn't really matter anyway-"

"Are you stupid?" she gave his tie a tug, "All little things are important in appearance when it comes to women. Little things explode to gargantuan proportions—"

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Are you implying something?-"

"Nothing."

"Be thankful that at least I didn't let you wear a red polka-dotted bow tie," she stifled her giggles.

"I'll kill you before that happens." The white-haired male glowered.

"Only if you promise to wear it on my funeral."

"Fuck you."

"Didn't we establish celibacy on our first date?" her violet eyes glittered amusingly. He was about to retort until she gave his tie a harsh tug, wincing as he thought of how she would easily turn this tie to a noose.

"Now," she smoothed down his tie, "We'll test you on the streets."

"What?" he gave her a flabbergasted look. The raven head was pertaining to him like some sort of car. And he didn't like what she meant by it either.

Rukia stepped away from him and called for the clerk (because the other faintees were still dead on the floor).

"Wait! What the hell?! I'm not—"

"I know that your penniless ass can't afford any of this," she flashed out a black card from her jean pockets and waving them in the air. "And while you were busy, I took the liberty of shopping for you."

Toushiro just gaped at her as eight bags were lined up in the corner, all branded clothes and begrudgingly, he admits, that they were at least his size…he was slightly relieved that Rukia had surprisingly good taste in clothes.

"Kuchiki-sama, would you like this to be delivered to the given address?"

"Yes, please," she grinned and pulled her escort closer by linking her arms with his, just to irate him. "My boyfriend and I had much to go to!" she added with girlish squeal as the clerk beamed at the cute couple, but had the latter shadowed in dark clouds.

This was bad.

She had her way with allowing her to prim him up with things like this and manipulating him in ways that he never thought possible. The white-haired male just knew…just anticipated that something _really_ bad was going to happen next.

He could feel it in the wind, the atmosphere…

"Now, Shiro-chan—" the raven head grinned wolfishly. "I'll make a bet with you."

"No way." He crossed his arms as they waded out of the store and he tried the best he can to ignore the stares and some fainting sounds in the background.

"You sure? You haven't even heard me out," Rukia pouted, "All I wanted is to see if you really can reel in a girl, and if you can pick up a number more than me. And now that I created you into a sex-machine-look-alike—"

"Don't say that!" he bristled, blushing to the tips of his hair. Did this woman even come across the word _dignity_? "And how the hell am I supposed to trust you without having you pull out some bullshit on me in the end." He was not letting her slip without an insurance at hand.

"Oho! You're actually catching up!"

"Just answer my damn question!"

The raven head ignored him and purposely walked faster in front of the livid white-haired male. "All I bet is if you prove to me that you're capable of getting a woman…"

She whirled back at him "And in the name of the Kuchiki, and all my Chappy shrine," her eyes glowed daringly, "I'll drop the three-month-fees, and leave you in peace for a whole month. That I assure you."

The emerald-eyed genius weighed the pros and cons. Her proposal was easy, too easy and light. He knew there was a loophole somewhere and she was sugarcoating it. And he wasn't about to let it get to him without a bargain.

"In one condition," she perked up quickly, and his eyes narrowed.

"If you interfere, I will call your brother," and for once Toushiro pat himself on the back as the girl shuddered before him. "And I will tell him everything that you've been doing this past week, including your failing grade in English lit. and biology."

He expected her to withdraw the bet, but the girl had the look of defiance in her eyes. "Heh, very well then," she tipped her chin arrogantly, "I'll at least show you the ropes."

"No need," the white-haired male gritted his teeth as he combed his hands through his smoothed hair, not knowing that the action alone was enough for women to be ogling at him.

"We'll see about that." Rukia readied herself, curious as to how exactly the emerald eyed young man could pull it off. As far as she knew…_no one_ had yet to prove to her that they can pick up a girl off campus, (that's because they thought with their egotistical guts, rather than their brains).

Besides, he didn't specify, what sort of interference was prohibited, right?

Unbeknownst to the couple, a brown haired girl was heading up towards the escalator and spotted the same café, decided to go take a break after looking for a book from the nearby bookstore.

Hinamori Momo had this fleeting thought that today…today would be an interesting day.

OOO

OOOO

OOOOO

OOOO

OOO

Omg! Is that a cliffie?? lol! Thank you all for the encouraging reviews, and here's a step in development of our heroines growing feelings-albeit still in denial-sighs- but no worries! They'll come out of it! lol 'till next time! Why do I fel like this was another filler chappie? O well-shrugs- hope you all enjoyed anyways! ;) :)

Answer to Wicked Cerberus: no one really watched Oprah in our house… but after coming home from work and stumbling with my dad watching _it _...to say I was a little disturbed-understatement. And he said he was waiting for the 7:00pm news…yeah and he had at least 30 minutes. Need a better excuse? Channel surfing anyone?? lol and that's how I came to Bya-kun's fetish with Oprah show lol. Glad u liked it! :):)

**Special Thanks To**: Blackbelt, wickedsistah1024, Cybill, Wicked Cerberus, CrazyOnDisplay, Imbeleth, Milk Marshmallow. youshallnotpass, scarlet white cross, Iana Sabelle, Jay95, jHeyTTernallie, None, honey-vanilla11, Artificial Life Creator, iceprincessrukia, SenbonzaMitsuki27, aizi, CloudNine9, nellchan0013, KittyKeira, Madi-san, Aya15, nejisakura, Miss.Sunday.

The Invaders And Recruiters Of The **HITSU/RUKI Army** lol. THANK YOU ALL! and i'm proud to say-i'm in it!!


	11. Succesful Failures

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**Chapter Dedication: To all our Hitsu/Ruki Army and future Members. JOIN NOW!!**

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She should've chosen a pond, a creek would do, better yet—Shiro-chan seemed more suitable for a puddle than the ocean.

Kuchiki Rukia new that by her creation of the newly improved sex god, Hitsugaya Toushiro (frankly because she bought him the goods and made him into the pimp he was now), didn't seem too enthuse with his accumulated look.

He ruined her _perfect_ masterpiece!

While the bait itself was a grand fisher, the raven head had thought that his 'touch-me-and-die' laser beam glare was enough of a turn off for many women. She was smugly grinning after the white-haired male had rudely shooed her off to sit on the next booth, with a clear view across from his. After promising not to interfere, crossing her heart and palm up in surrender, the younger Kuchiki surveyed the downfall of the inevitable…

And of course, her winning price…. Fluffy doesn't stand a chance.

But _no_…things went awry, and stupendously unexpected.

After what seemed to be ten minutes or so (in which could be promptly translated to centuries in Rukia's opinion) that the white-haired male just sat there with a deadly look on his face, and enough to put up a ten feet radius around his table, she was already predicting his defeat.

'_See, fluffy, this is what happens when you don't have my divine guidance… "No need," my ass. You can't even get a fly to attract you._

And as the raven head cued in on putting a stop to the bet and self-proclaim her victory…things went horribly wrong. So wrong that after the first "girl" he had talked to—she had thought of insidious plans to somehow ruin it without "interfering."

The self-satisfied grin was reflected back in his face, as his conceited emerald eyes connected with hers.

Just for her amusement though, Rukia knew Toushiro could draw women to his attention…but frankly he drew the wrong _specie_. Needless to say, whitey was surrounded by _sharks _and _whales_, not pretty ones—mind you. She prayed that at least one of them would resemble a carp, or a parrot fish.

Rukia wondered how much of a low peg did whitey went down to, to be proud of his catch(es) of the day.

"Kyahh! I just love your white hair!!"

"Are you shooting a movie here!?"

"Oh my gosh!! Then that would be so awesome! You're so hawt!!

This was all worth it! The raven head stifled her giggles. While it was true that Fluffy would look down right ravishing (if only he'd stop glaring and frowning) he'd attract dolphins or angelfish.

"Is your hair really real!?"

"Are they natural?" one woman went so far as to pull and poke at it.

"It's natural."

She had to commend him on his patience (not seeing his gritted teeth and fifth vein popping) and the caked in smile that he presented. _'At least he isn't like Renji, using the chair as a means of defense…god that was funny.' _

"You have such pretty eyes! Are they contacts!?" lemon shark asked.

"No, they're real."

"Really!? OMG! You like look so hot in them, like a foreigner, like you know!"

"How old are you!? You look so young, but you still look so mature!" pygmy whale squealed.

"Do you have, like a girlfriend, or like something?" the blush seemed incongruous at hammerhead shark's face.

"Uh, um…not currently." He answered truthfully. Really, there was absolutely nothing going on between him and that evil bitch.

Rukia had to bow her head down the table, as her shoulders shook. She knew that the white-haired male was just shooting daggers of glares at her right now or maybe pleading for her to "interfere" but no…she will stand by her word (for once). She was-after all, a law abiding citizen.

But suddenly her enjoyment was cut short as said whales and sharks were replaced by…

"Oh my, hello there cutie,"

A rather voluptuous woman with red locks accosted the raven head's clientele as a group of (obviously) older women with huge racks, tanned skin and hair that had been bleached in more ways than one surrounded the popular emerald eyed male.

Needles to say, Rukia's jaw dislocated from her face.

These were the type of women who go out in clubs, sleep with businessmen and can afford silicone every year! Holy crap…fluffy's in for it.

She could not believe (although it wasn't much of shock, seeing Toushiro's looks) that he had finally reeled in some decent, yet immorally- crappy women. But they were at least women nonetheless…no matter how indecent they may be, and they were the hot-babe type-if you got for that sort of thing.

The raven head kind of wanted the sharks and whales back, but they had dispersed as soon as the bigger fish came in. Though while the violet eyed woman was quite proud at the fact…there was also that _bet_!

And those women were putting their claws on her poor, defenseless lamb of a—

"What's your name, honey?"

The woman with red locks with matching red leather skirt took a seat near him as another blonde haired woman with green eyes slid to the sit to his left, two other women, one was brunette haired and the other with blue highlights blocked Rukia's view as they sat across from the white-haired male who was sandwiched in between the two wolves.

'_Oh crap…whitey, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad…!'_ The raven head chanted in her head as she nibbled on her straw, sipping occasionally to wet her parched throat as the scene of her client getting roast and cook looked on like a soap opera (in fact she was craving for some popcorn along with it). For someone oh so "worried" the raven head treated it as a suspense drama while her head moved from side to side to keep in view on the white haired male.

Rukia had this vision (in chappy forms) that Toushiro will get eaten by the wolves. The fate of little red riding hood as he didn't listen to his mother (obviously _her_ when she offered to help), and went ahead to visit his grandmother (to pick up a girl)-but only to come across not one—but _four_ wolves.

'_Dammit whitey, I hope you threw out your naivety and…'_

"Hitsugaya," he brushed his white hair out of his face as his stunning emerald eyes pinned the red-haired girl that had her almost tumbling off her chair. "Hitsugaya Toushiro."

Practically all the females in the near ten feet perimeter swooned. Rukia was dumbstruck at the fact that fluffy had just pulled the "James. James Bond." look, and could only stare disbelievingly at the sudden confidence of her creation.

What the hell happened to the demure, sacrificial lamb/innocent little red riding hood? When the hell could he pull of such a look and actually differ from all her clients who had sprinted at the first moment and screamed bloody Sunday? And where exactly had he been hiding this sexified version of himself that just pulled a 180 character out of his ass?!

But then while Rukia was quite shock at the white-haired male's dripping sex appeal, he still wasn't suave enough. Her violet eyes rolled skyward as she smacked her head with an open palm. _'Dammit…it would've been better if you used an alias. Sure why not use your real full name, and while you're at it, why don't you stick a "I'm a university student, blood type AB, seventeen years old and single"—you hack!'_

She should've told him this, but she thought fluffy was "genius" enough to NOT give his freaking name-especially to these types of women. God knows how they would find him…Rukia could practically picture him getting kidnapped and ravished and shaved his little tuff of white coat and—

"May I have the pleasure of knowing the maiden's name?"

Toushiro cocked his head to the side, inquiring the red-haired female after suffering from a near catastrophe falling on the floor, as her comrades held tissues up their noses.

Rukia had had enough.

And no, first of all—she was not jealous! She was just…just shocked, yeah that's right. Stupefied at the person who hated English lit. but could perfectly speak Shakespeare quotes line by line.

Who the hell was this alien personified being who slipped in without notice!? He was winning the bet goddammit!! And he only proved it by subtly grinning up at her direction as he continued to flawlessly talk to these women. Obviously, Toushiro knew his points and knew what these females were in general and didn't hesitate to use his charm with whatever means necessary.

Unfortunately for the raven head, the white haired always uphold to his boy genius status, and had already planned on his moves even before Rukia ever gets to figure out what's going on. Without her interference, she can't jumpstart on anything, and he would win the bet.

'_Tch, I won the bet Kuchiki…'_ He was actually quite excited of a month-pest-free idiot. He can now feel total freedom! Total emancipation and peace! The emerald eyed male was going to gloat on this later on, it was a record of beating the evil bitch on her own game.

Rukia could not believe it!

She was pissed, and asides from being incensed over the fact that whitey seemed to send her the 'I-win-you-lose' vibe on her then so be it. She'll just ditch him on his own to be preyed in by these women; in fact she didn't care if they just drag him in to some love hotel or whatever and chain him down.

The raven head huffed as she took one sparing glare at the (seemingly rejoicing) white haired male over his victory. She need to find a way…an interference without being too obvious, she need some snacks to fuel her brain dammit!! Kuchiki's are determined people, and she sure as hell will _not_ go down without even trying or fighting her way to win the bet.

Toushiro sent her another sugary-conceited smile as he watched her slam her palms down her table but not before glowering at him and heading down to buy some sandwich. Maybe if she accidentally trip a sandwich and drinks at him they'll go away.

Rukia stomped down the halls and rounded a corner towards an aisle a little ways from her booth and her white-haired consort, picking up whip crème, a turkey sandwich, skittles and some chocolate bars and—

Her hand connected with a watermelon juice box as another—

"Kuchiki-san!" the stranger's hand had a familiar arm, attached to a familiar shoulder, wearing a recognizable scarf, and—"What a coincidence!"

Hinamori Momo beamed at her brightly as she bashfully laughed at their connected hands going for the same juice box. "I'm so surprise to see you here!"

'_You have no idea…'_

Kuchiki Ruikia could not move…hell she was literally frozen to the spot as if willing the brown haired girl to move away and not notice her. She was desperately trying the dinosaur method in which she will stand still and no one will notice her presence—

"Are you alright Kuchiki-san?" the caramel eyed girl lightly touched her arm in concern and the raven head's dinosaur strategy shattered to pieces.

'_Oh holy shit…_'

Her violet eyes impossibly widened as the fact registered that Momo was _here_…standing in front of her, not twenty feet from her booth, and quite in hearing range within fluffy's seat.

"Kuchiki-san," her brows furrowed further as the brown haired girl stepped forward.

"I—" she finally blinked as her mind started to click at the right place at a fast pace, "Oh! Momo-chan!! How good it is to see you!!" her eyes darted briefly in her periphery, trying to gain attention by pitching up her voice so that little whitey could hear.

"Yeah, I'm glad you're okay Kuchiki-san." The girl smiled in relief, "So what are you doing here, Kuchiki—?"

"Oh!! You know! Just here and there! Ahahahah!! I was just waiting for Shiro-chan!!" she emphasized and coughed on his name while still keeping tabs at the (stupid!) emerald eyed male, and keeping Momo from rounding the corner to see the full view of her client pimping out with four women.

'_This is very, very, very, very bad!! If Momo—gah! If fluffy don't get his act together—wait he's going to kill me!! And then the plan would go poof! And then—gah!! This is bad!!'_

While the main purpose of this day was to stimulate Toushiro's natural seduction to the opposite sex, it was also an experiment to see if Rukia needed to help him in some points. Sadly, said specimen was already adept and was just hiding it under his ABA problems. She didn't think he was ready for a real test subject!! Let alone Hinamori! For all she knew whitey would stutter, trip on his own feet, and end up in the hospital with a massive irregular fluctuation of nose bleeding!

Don't forget the fact that Momo might get heartbroken at the way whitey was flaunting his skills…with four grown women no less. And of course—Toushiro would probably skin her alive and flay her out for a Korean BBQ and feed it to the dogs…

And down goes her career…

"Ah…oh," for a moment though, Hinamori looked crestfallen and the raven head was quickly attuned to this change, as her focus drifted to the brown haired girls' reaction. "Yeah, um—I heard you guys are really going out."

The raven head raised her eyebrows, observing as Momo shifted her weight to her other foot, "I—I'm really glad that Shiro-chan has you. I-I mean, he's very, very kind and—" Rukia noted the blush coloring her cheeks as her eyes traveled meekly down on the floor.

'_I can't really say the same…'_ Rukia commented to herself idly. The brown haired girl hadn't seen the uncouth and wild side of what she considered a tiny, shy-white lamb.

"He's compassionate," her caramel eyes connected with her scrutinizing violet ones. "I-I hope that you'll take good care of him Kuchiki-san."

"Yes, of course." the violet eyed female wondered how far Hinamori's concern would go. "Though I'm guessing that Momo-chan would've done a better job if Shiro-chan were with you."

She inwardly grinned at the easily flustered girl, "E-eehh?! Oh no! That wouldn't be! Shiro-chan's like a little brother to me!" Momo rubbed her arms, cheeks reddening at the obvious insinuation as she tried to dispel the heat from her face by busying to take five juice boxes of watermelon in her arms.

"A-a-and you guys look v-very cute together a-a-and—"

"That's true," Rukia put a finger to her lips, "But I think the two of you would look a lot cuter. Besides, the two of you knew each other for such a long time that I wondered why you never got together."

"I-I-I—that's because," the girl bowed her head and the raven head knew…she had hit a spot. Riling up the caramel eyed girl and digging through her by shooting up questions was effective enough to get her disconcerted, and probably made her reflective of what her 'supposed relationship' to her client should've been.

And now to get her to confess, "Hey Momo-chan," the raven head tilted her head to the side as she bent down to see the girl's face.

"Do you like Shiro-chan?"

The expression was expected and predictable.

"Eeeeehhhh!!" she backed away ten shades redder than before. "T-tha-that's preposterous! T-that's not—"

"Just kidding!" the raven head pulled back with a huge grin, satisfied at the reaction. At least she knew that Momo was still quite heavily affected by fluffy's charms, and her plan was going along just dandy.

Hinamori heaved a sigh of relief she didn't know she was holding, as she shot the girl a modest smile, "Y-you really got me there, Kuchiki-san."

The brown haired girl waved it off good naturedly, trying desperately to bury her confusing thoughts concerning her best friend and her own feelings, as she walked down the aisle. Unbeknownst and too fast for Rukia (who was still reveling at her brilliant discovery) as the girl slid past her to round the corner—her violet eyes widened…turning in a 90° angle—Momo would surely—

"So how about we go get drinks--"

"Kyahhh!!"

She had no choice but to rely on her acting skills. Rukia quickly faked her fall (with absolutely nothing to trip on but herself) as she twisted her ankle to a believably painful position, her hands flailing madly as tears sprung up her eyes.

And as expected—"Kuchiki-san!"

Hinamori swiftly went to her aid, dropping her juice box and lunch on the floor. "A-are you alright? Does it hurt? Here let me help you and I'll—"

"Thank you, Momo-chan," the raven head sniffled, "But I'm alright—I just-" she slumped back down in the brown haired girl's arms. She needed Momo to leave…she really need to get the both of them as far away as possible.

"Maybe you sprained your ankle," Momo bit her lip in apprehension, "Let's get you a seat and-"

"No!! No! Wait!" she wracked her brain for an excuse. So she sprained her ankle, can't walk and she can't very well tell her to take her to a seat, because that would just expose—

"Ice!"

She slammed her fisted hands over her left open palm, momentarily forgetting her situation, but quickly covering herself as she put a hand over her forehead. "Ohh!! It hurts! Momo-chan, please get me some ice! There's ice in the second floor vending machine, it's cheaper there! Please! I need some ice! Oh, it burns!"

The waterworks did their job as Hinamori nodded frantically, anxiously sprinting back up, "I-I'll go get you some ice, Kuchiki-san! Please hold on, okay! I'll be right back!"

Once the brown haired girl was out of sight and hearing range, the raven head pulled herself back up with ease, and rubbing off her tears. _'We gotta get out of here now…'_

That was her only thought, and that was her mission. Forget the damn condition, because this was an emergency and. She quickly rounded the corner, ready to cause a scene if she had to and—

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet;"

The four girls had already melted in the span of ten minutes that she left. How in the world Toushiro did so was a mystery in itself…

Rukia made a disgusted face as she came upon their conversation. _'My god…fluffy, if this is how you woo a girl, you seriously need better pick up lines than Billy's…'_

The raven head breathed in deeply through her nose-she will be hated for this, she will be shot for it and possibly take the brunt of whitey's icicles beams—but she was doing this for the good of mankind. All she had to do was walk up there and snatch the white-haired male in the claws of four wolves…

Not very hard…right??

Toushiro seethed inwardly, weary as he saw a familiar raven head coming down their way. His emerald eyes narrowed briefly, he knew what she was trying to do. She was probably going to ruin his hard earned work, and he damn well knew that she was going to sabotage it—

She will cheat on their bet!

But he will not go down without a—

SLAP! "How could you!?"

What the—? The white haired male blinked rapidly, feeling his face stung from the—wait-Did she just-? Did that just—Was he _slapped_!?

…_fight_?

"After all we've been through!?" his emerald eyes expanded to such saucer-like proportions as he stared befuddled as the evil Kuchiki before him had gone totally insane.

"Shi-chan," the blonde girl to his left tugged at his sleeve, "Do you know this girl?"

"I—" '_Hell no!!' What is she doing!?'_ "No I don't—"

"Don't you pretend you don't know _me!_ After months of lovemaking—!"

"I. Don't. Know. You." The white haired male glared at her fiercely, promising a very _severe_ death if she didn't stop now.

But Rukia was racing with time, and she just had to get him (now that they were making a scene) and make a run for it before Momo gets back. Her little set up was going horribly wrong, she hoped that Toushiro would just go without protests, but apparently he wasn't aware of the bigger picture.

_'Fluffy, for once just go with the flow…'_ she prayed silently.

"That's not true—!"

"Look, little girl, if Shi-chan says he doesn't—"

"Put a plastic on it, lady." Rukia glared, she was not going to waste precious seconds getting to her goal.

"Why you—" the blonde haired woman growled menacingly.

"You dare talk so big, you little bitch!" the red haired girl to his left stood up, but Rukia was not interested in that. She could see a proverbial tuff of brown hair standing out running towards the café from the window in her periphery.

'_Oh crap…'_

"Excuse me, but this is my man," Rukia pulled at the white haired male's unresponsive arm, "And I am not here to compare your breast size to a melon. So just leave—"

She felt cold water splashed down her face and seeping into her shirt.

"What was that little one?" the red head sneered at her as her groupies laughed in return. Violet eyes were narrowed into slits under her wet bangs.

'_Ah shit…'_

Toushiro thought darkly as he moved in between the two women, while the latter prepared to launch a right hook at the red haired lady. He perfectly knew how strong Rukia's punches were...and they are not girly at all if she could break a nose without flinching. The white haired male wasn't ready for a law suit and juvenile detention--thank you very much.

Evidently, Rukia lost her balance as the floor surrounded her in a watery grave. Two, she realized she was going to punch the wrong person, and three Hinamori was just about to enter the café.

Needless to say, she felt herself go in slow motion as her feet slipped under her, arms flailing at her lost battle stance, and fluffy was right in the middle of it all. Surprise violets met shock emeralds, as Toushiro cushioned her fall, her face getting closer and closer as…

Their lips met.

Colors exploded and a different dimension was born.

A soft, completely innocent, and accidental contact that just blew their worlds away…

...

_'I am so dead.'_

OOO

OOOO

OOOOO

OOOO

OOO

Kyahhh!! Fan girl squeal!! OMG I'm so evil to leave yet another cliffie! But you gotta admit I let it hang at a possibly good timing ahhahhaha!! And no before you all protest and scream bloody murder at me…you'll just have to wait for the next update-cuz I'm zipping my lips!! Muwahahah!! lol And yea, Bill (I call him Billy) is what Shakespeare's nickname is, some call him Bard but hey! –sorry—I just love his works lol and I advertised too! Join the Hitsu/Ruki Army everyone!!


	12. Hippo Replacement

It had been approximately 42 hours, 18 minutes and 38 seconds since the incident…

If you would call it that…

And both individuals had acquired various feelings, one ranging from disgust to amusement, and considering their personalities it wasn't that hard to figure out.

The white haired male had her back turned towards her, refusing to acknowledge the (evil) presence behind him who had just slipped some form of bribery on his side.

The nerve.

His eyes, lips, and brows twitched simultaneously.

Just two days ago he had been unceremoniously kissed…in _public_. In the fucking public!! Does it look like he's a contributor to PDA?! Hell no! To make it worse it had been completely accidental—she just had to haul him up and make a mad dash for it. Unfortunately, he also caught sight of the woman he loves…

The white haired male had never sprinted so fast in his life…

He prayed to all the deities (if there was one in his cruel life of seventeen years) to spare him, and for Hinamori to had never—ever witness such an apocalyptic scene

And now she had been nagging him ever since the incident, he had to leave their practice and dragged them both out to a deserted courtyard along the stairs behind another building. He had taken out three of the best fighters (and fifty others) today in Zaraki-shishou's training grounds (and in addition had to fight _him_ after), and received the ultimate-mesh of name calling from his bratty kid, and now this woman had decided that she would complete the cake with a cherry.

Hadn't she brought enough tortures to him!?

"What. The. Hell. Is. This?"

He gritted, knowing that he'd been ignoring her for the last two days, and nothing will ever change if he won't at least express his anger, but he sure as hell knew that the evil bitch would get him to talk one way or another.

And it was better to do it now than later.

She quickly sat next to him, eyes wide and face a little too close for comfort as the latter backed away with an angry/surprised blush. "Holy crap…you spoke?" her violet eyes staring disbelievingly at him only to sent a vein appearing back on his forehead.

Rukia pulled back with a relieved grin as she patted him on the shoulder, "I know I'm a good kisser, but I never thought you'd be shock enough to go mute on me—"

Toushiro thought a vein burst.

Was this woman functioning correctly?! Couldn't she see how much anger and fury he had, that he could not hold a conversation to anyone at all for the past two days!! Where the hell did she get the idea that she was such a good kisser that—that-aargh!!

The white haired male decided it would be best to really avoid this topic right now before he does something detrimental to the younger Kuchiki.

"Kuchiki. What. The. Hell. Is. This?" he swore his teeth would give out any day now.

"It's a peace offering!" she beamed, pushing a basket of two watermelon fruits, with watermelon-printed towels, with watermelon scented bubble bath, and watermelon scrub ducky.

…

Oh…he so wanted to kill someone now.

Where was his raven haired dummy with beady violet eyes when you need one? He wouldn't mind chopping that off to vent his anger, too bad he wanted to do it on the real one. Ukitake-sensei was enough of a headache with his constant 'I'll-treat-you-like-a-son' attitude with him packing candies and lunches for the white haired male, it bordered creepy.

But this…this— a muscle in his lips twitched.

"You bi—!"

"Watermelon?" she shoved a pre-prepared slice of said fruit in his face as he decidedly glared at her.

"Don't change the subject-" he snapped.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"We're not even talking about anything—" and she had the gall to innocently bat her lashes at him.

Evil, bitchy-midget.

While he was mainly furious at the "accidental kiss" he was more or less,…-grateful?—to what she considered a rescue mission. And quite a failed rescue mission at that as she barely got their butts out of there before Hinamori had a full view of the scene. But waaaayyy besides the point—he was a victim here, dammit!

Emerald eyes narrowed as the white haired male snatched the fruit from her. Although he felt indebted, he also felt violated—so hell no he wasn't going to apologize for ignoring her,--she was the one who should apologize with all her schemes and—

"How rude," she rolled her eyes.

"Hmph," Toushiro stubbornly turned away from her once again, "Don't expect that I'll accept your apology."

"I come in peace, fluffy—" she held two victory fingers up.

"Shut up!" he hissed.

The raven head huffed. "Che, I think you're forgetting that I didn't say "sorry" partly because I have absolutely nothing to apologize for." She bit on the juicy fruit.

"Nothing to apologize for!?" waves of hot red aura of anger lifted his hair and clothes in windy ferocity. Was this woman truly insensitive!? Sometimes he wondered if he was really talking to a woman…with a brusque mind of a criminal.

Rukia truly did not know as to why fluffy was having this temper tantrum against her. It all happened two days ago, while it was quite an uneventful day—mind you, except for the—Oooohhh…_that._

She grinned inwardly, pure delight etched over her features, as she put a placating hand over his shoulder, giggling lightly. "Oh, come on, whitey—I'm sure you've been kissed before!"

"…"

Her companion was quickly stoned, a cemented down statue.

It wasn't like he'd been kissed before right?

…

The raven head didn't think anyone this cute would go without being kissed before, this man should've been raped way before his middle-school…

…

Right??

A chirping bird answered in echo.

Violet eyes finally caught on…

'_Are you fucking serious…?!'_

"Are you fucking serious!?" she just knew that her eyes just gave out on her, "Wait…that wasn't your…" funny she'd never been hesitant before.

"That's not your first kiss—isn't it?"

Another bird chirped back in response.

…

The all encompassing blush, predominantly covered his face and carrying down to north, south, west and east whether in embarrassment or righteous vehemence, Rukia wasn't sure, but she wasn't that stupid either—

"Pffft—"

The raven head's face cracked, the white haired male was just too cute for words as she covered her mouth with two hands to make up for the tickling laughter making its way up her throat.

Too late.

"Bahahahaha!! Oh god—" but the traitorous hands clutched her stomachs instead. "Gahaha!! Oh—this is just too funny—ahahahaha!!"

"Glad you're amused." the white haired male couldn't take it anymore. So what that he's never kissed a human being before (except his pet cat, though he'd die a thousand deaths before he'd let that out) and had never experienced any intimate contacts with the opposite sex.

"Wait-ahaha—wait, fluffy!" the persistent, annoying, evil girl clung to his leg, while wiping her tears. "Sorry, sorry—you really caught me at a bad joke-ahahaha!! Next thing I know you'd be spouting how you're still a virgin!"

A spear stabbed him, right from behind.

…

…

"Huhu--ahahaha!! You're a virgin too! Oh god, this is too good!!" Rukia banged her fist on the hard cement floor, nearly falling off the stairs, as she held a loose grip at the white haired male's pants that glared at her into oblivion.

"If you're going to laugh at your own stupidity then I—"

"Wai-wait!! No, no, I'm serious!" Rukia finally coughed out the last bits of her laughing session, as she pulled herself up to a sitting position while tugging at the male's pants for him to sit back down.

"I'm sorry—ahaha- I never pegged you to be the virgin type. I mean you lived with Rangiku—" he shot her a 'try-to-bring-up-that-disgustingly-incestuous-topic-and-die' glare, as he pried her hands off of him and sat down a stair away from the annoying, and still giggling girl.

"Hmph, it's likely that you're a virgin yourself," the white haired male sneered. "Who would actually want _you_?"

"Ohoho! Au contraire boy genius," Rukia wagged her fingers, smiling mischievously at him. "You're forgetting I'm two years older than you."

"And two feet shorter—" WHACK!

"Why you--!?" the raven head nonchalantly thrust another slice of the juicy red fruit up to his face.

"Please," Rukia rolled her eyes as she took another bite at her watermelon. How in the world whitey finished his share so fast, she would never know. "Don't compare my experience to your puberty-forsaken height."

"P-puberty-forsaken!? Look who's talking!" Toushiro sputtered, wiping traces of the juicy liquid from his lips, all the while shooting murderous daggers at the raven haired female. "You rate second in height to Zaraki-shishou's kid!"

"So what? It's what makes me cute."

"You!? Cute?!"

"Yes."

"In Omaeda's sister's standard, yes."

"You consider _her_ cute?"

"No! You know damn well know what I mean!"

"That I'm cute?"

"No! You egotistical bitch!"

"Yes, and a good kisser at that—"

"Naa!! What the hell?! Where did that come from!?" the rouge color contrasted perfectly with his white hair.

"Whitey, have you—"

"No! And don't you dare relive me of that café nightmare shit!" he pointed an incredulous finger at her.

"Oh come on! It's just your first kiss—" Rukia shrugged, further riling up the white haired male.

She seriously needed to get this out in the open. What had transpired two days ago had completely puzzled and sent tingling feelings in her stomach. Maybe it was the cheetos she ate that day and was having a slow indigestion, or the tea she drank went down the wrong intestine, but whatever it was…it just felt _weird_. And no, before everyone speculated that it was bunnies or butterflies hopping and fluttering over her stomach—psh-please, she knew enough science that they don't fit in there, and it certainly did not happen because of her (unprecedented) smooch with the white haired male!!

Aside from that, the raven head had never felt that way with her clients or any for that matter. And so in further conclusion, it was just an irregularity of her stomach and not some love-struck concoction of butterflies and goo in her tummy.

Not. At. All.

"_Just_—?!" emerald eyes pointed into dangerous slits as his brows twitched closely with a protruding vein.

"You're acting like a shoujo manga character-"

"And you act like perverted old man! This isn't a small thing to just—"

"Then just think of it as an indirect kiss!"

"Indirect kiss!! You nearly kiss-raped me!"

"K-kiss-raped!?" this time the raven head blushed, "It was an accident, fluffy! Did it look like I enjoyed that! Besides, those women were more than willing to "Kiss Rape" your ass," her air quotes hung suspended in the air, "If I didn't rescue your hide in the first place, you'd be their sex slave by now!"

"How the hell could I think of that as an indirect kiss? It's like having a smooch with a hippo!" the white haired male lashed back.

"H-hippo!?" her brows twitched sporadically. Okay, so she was wet that time, and she had her mouth open to retort to the red-haired bitch-but to compare her kiss to a hippo?! "How dare you?!"

"It's downright disgusting! I could be traumatized for life!"

"Don't act like I just took your virginity, whitey! It's just an _accidental kiss_ for god's sake! You're not going to have a baby out of it!"

"You're missing the concept! That indirect kiss is like me and a toilet bowl--!"

"Oh, that's it!"

Rukia furrowed her brows angrily and narrowed her eyes as she stepped down to Toushiro's seat, forcefully yanking his arm and harshly turning his face towards her, as bewildered emerald eyes met determined violets. The raven head tried to confirm that she wasn't going crazy. She needed to prove that two days ago, the little warm, flittering feeling in her stomach was a combination of cheetos and tea waiting for diarrhea to ensue. Yep, that's right, nothing more and nothing less, that and she sure as hell needed to shut the boy up…

No one ever tried to insult her that way, and if fluffy wanted his first kiss to be "smashing" then hell—why didn't he say so?

And what better way to slap him back a good one right on the lips.

She would never live up to that indirect-kiss-hippo, and toilet-bowl-feeling, then why not prepare him for the worse?

In the span of 42 hours, 36 minutes and 52 seconds, the breadth of their worlds didn't matter.

Questions were raised without answers, doubts and fears dissolved, and neither didn't care, because indirect kissing never held any motives behind feelings waiting to be discovered.

This was just _practice_. That and nothing more…

…or so they believed, as the feelings buried deeply bursts yet again without mistake as the first one, creating another cosmos of colors—neither couldn't deny.

OOO

OOOO

OOOOO

OOOO

OOO

Hmm…didn't particularly liked this chapter since whitey acted like a girl -.-, but on the last chappies he'll be a hawttie man for sure. BTW I hope that cleared everything up for now, I know I've been focusing on a lot of them, so next I'll have another filler chapter. And if you think it's almost over, think again! Muwahahah, these two are too stubborn to admit that there's going to be fire behind that spark eheheh!! Not to mention sexy bya-kun hasn't come into play yet, and the boys hadn't interrogated fluffy, ohohohoho!! Until next time my dear lovers-er readers!!

This chapter is especially dedicated to our Fantabalistic BBsoutaicho, and our very own -drumrolls please- youshallnotpass-taicho for her awesomeness as the sexiest taicho ever!XDXD and my ever cute and coolio 3rd seat scarlet-chan! You guys are my inspiration XDXD and for putting up with my bomb-happy insanity! Luvvles ya'll so muches with a BOOM!


	13. Sweet Tooth

First and foremost, 3/4 of this chapter is NOT "created" by (the lesser talent) narqy, (the orig. author) XD I kid! But rather (the best of the best lolz), I- _buloy-sama_ XD. SO I humbly offer my advance apologies for any indiscretion or expectations I was not able to meet while creating the last parts of this story. Note that I have noticeably jumped some plots of the story because of my "standing" with the pairing, and my views as to where the story should take it next. But I do hope that this chapter will suffice. In due time, I'm sure narquotic will compensate for my lack of fan service. Thank you for your time, and enjoy the chappie!:)

* * *

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

* * *

"So he been like this fo' sometime now, ne?" a silver-haired professor leaned casually on the windowsill, eyes obscured as he watched the scene below along with a couple of students and other professors.

"Yep, while it's a little creepy—it's so cute!!" a buxom woman squealed as she clasped her hands.

"Che, what's so cute about it?! The little chit nearly smashed my jaw!" a gruff voice followed suit.

"That's because you lack practice," a glint of glasses answered in return.

"Why don't you go practice sewing dresses! You pansy!"

"You're just jealous—"

"Naaa-!!"

"Ne, Kuchiki-san seems to be having fun." An auburn haired girl piped up as she skillfully placed an open palm to shut her boyfriend's loud mouth.

"Torturing the midget, of course she would." Blue hair glittered, as he yawned audibly, blinking blurry blue eyes.

"Yew shwouldn't bee lyke dat to Wukia! Gwimmy!" another childish voice incongruously placed in a very mature body of a woman smacked Grimmjow's head, whom in turn, glared and with an audible "Woman!"

"Actually she is having fun." red hair bobbed in agreement.

"How would you know?" jet black hair came into view as Tatsuki Arisawa raised her brows curiously at her boyfriend.

"She's a freaking sadist!" Ichigo pried his girl friend's mouth off him, "Of course she'd like to see someone suffer!" Yes, he had major experiences of such tragic "sufferings" in which he would always come home looking up like he got beat up by a dozen Sado's and not a pint-sized, razor-witted brat!

"Shorty's a total dictator," Grimmjow rubbed his head, remembering the same spot she used to whacked him with…with all the things she could get her hands on.

"Have you seen her land a punch to Keigo once?" Renji turned at Tatsuki, reminding her the first year that they were in high school in which poor Keigo (unknowingly) groped the new student. Needles to say, she broke her "schoolgirl" façade after sending Keigo out to the infirmary with a split jaw.

"Hn, Kuchiki-san does have a good aim," the onyx-eyed girl nodded in acquiescence.

"Good aim?! How 'bout a murderous attempt!"

"Or incidental deaths!"

"And extreme humiliation!"

"You guys are so rude!" Matsumoto turned sharply at the three boys scattered haphazardly lounging in her room (which was situated just atop the courtyard the two "couples" were having an argument). Her fist situated in her left hip as the other pointed at them in a reprimanding manner. "Heartless, little wimps like you couldn't have such fine women without Rukia-chan's help!"

Help?

All three boys objected the stand as star witnesses.

"Like it were rainbows and ponies dealing with that midget!" Renji bellowed, as the event of their younger days flashed through his mind. Going to a carnival and being chappy-faced-painted while riding ponies thereafter, totally ruined his reputation early in the stage of middle-school.

"Try having your hair bleached!" Grimmjow exploded as he consciously tapped at his hair. The hideous color giving him nightmares…You were not "badass" if you have such blue dye #40 as a fucking hair color!

"You insane!? She got me a broken rib!" Ichigo blasted as he pointed to where the broken bone was supposedly located when he…_fell._ Stupid midget poking him while he was on the windowsill…and took a damn picture first on her phone before calling 911!!

"Mah, mah, I couldn't really say she was that bad—" Ishida didn't finish his sentence as blue, rust, and honey colored '-shut-up-four-eyes' stopped him dead in his "rant of justice" or in more of Ichigo's terms, "Pansy Boy's _Logic_."

There was already enough logic or evidence (of possible mishaps) if Kuchiki Rukia was in the same sentence, and if an idiot would assume that she was a _great help_…then they truly have not known _the_ Kuchiki Rukia.

"I think Kuchiki-san is great!" Orihime piped up, pumping her fist in defense. "The way she helped Ichigo and I achieved the pinnacle of love…"

"And the way I got a pinned barnacle in my ass…" Ichigo grumbled.

"Tch, if you girls worked with her, you'd know the pain!" Grimmjow stood up, shaking his fist!"

"She's sexist, Grimmjow! Sex—"

Tatsuki (as a member of the Seiretei Women's Organization) smacked her boyfriend in the back of the head. A vein popping in her forehead as Renji threw a few expletives, promptly shut up with a blow to his stomach.

"You have something against women now, Renji?"

"Every man has something against a woman—" Tatsuki sent a book flying towards Ichigo, as the three ensued verbal and physical fight among themselves.

"Neh, Kuchiki ain't that shabby," Professor Ichimaru slid in, grinning from ear to ear.

And all four eyes (yes, even Ishida) threw him a glare and a "'Cuz you think the same! You psychopath!"

"Why does ev'one associated with me is bad?"

Even Matsumoto gave him a funny look.

"Oh my god! Guys sssshhh!! I'm watching them make love here!" Matsumoto her surmounting valleys pressed at the window pane as she inwardly huffed at their absurdness while trying to adjust them.

"Eww!"

"Oh, stop it you three virgin Mary's!"

"Rangiku-chan, mind the children." Gin grinned as he slipped his arm around the buxom professor to pull her away from the window.

"Ugh! You pervs! Get a room!" Grimmjow blushed, quickly turning away and glaring at a particular wall.

"Wha' exactwy are yew thinking Gwimmy?"

"Nothing!"

"Perv."

"Shut up, Ichigo! It's not like your girlfriend's the ecchi type too, ya know!"

"What was that!?"

"Sssshhhhhh!! Shut up the both of ya!" onyx eyes gave them a piercing glare as everyone turned to their Romeo and Juliet…well as far as having the roles reverse and serious personality problems, Rukia and Toushiro were playing the part of a pretty good soap opera right about now.

Not hearing anything, the audience improvised their moves, sensing distress and overall anger from the raven head's visage and demeanor. Ichigo, Renji, Grimmjow, and Uryuu were so sure that Hitsugaya will be sporting blood tonight.

"I bet 20 she'll smack him."

"Kuchiki'll control'im down."

"Fifty, she'll kick him in the groin."

"I double, Hitsugaya will leave with a black eye."

"He ain't got the balls! I add five for shorty to drop-kick his ass!"

"I say she'll confess and they'll ride away in their castle together forever!"

"Wukia seemed angwy…"

"It's more like someone needs a bucket if you ask me."

"No, no, no!!" Matsumoto was going to bet all her salary for the month with this wild card. "They'll kiss!"

…

And the room exploded.

"Like that'll happen—!"

"Look!"

And on cue…

…

Four delighted gasps, one raised brow and another four guys resembling scream faces later…

…

"Holy shit..."

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Hitsugaya Toushiro had never been kissed.

And no, having that friendly/cuddly smooch with his pet cat—Snowy, was not in the list, because personally that was a master to pet kind of thing. He didn't count his parents, because rightfully…eww. And like hell he'd count the "café incident" two days ago as anything remotely kiss-worthy. And he was still in denial of his first kiss being literally manhandled and taken without his consent in public. He was still sore about that.

And this…

This was another one of those accidents.

A category that he did not wish to delve in, neither now or in his spare time, or even consider the defaults or setbacks, nope.

Hitsugaya Toushiro would not think about how soft and uncharacteristically sweet, her lips were, nope.

Hitsugaya Toushiro would not think about how smooth her face, and how his hands had suddenly wound up her neck, and how he felt her fingers tangled in his hair, nope.

And Hitsugaya Toushiro was certainly not reciprocating the kiss, nope.

Gaaah!

He quickly broke away, emerald eyes wide, chest heaving, and white hair mussed up cutely in different directions.

At least Toushiro didn't have to worry about his appearance. Kuchiki Rukia had the 'deer-in-the-headlights' look, violet eyes blinking rapidly and a surging blush over her face, curly raven hair spilling over her shoulders, with a few errand strays sticking out.

And no, he did not just thought of how cute she looked, and how much he'd like to kiss her again—

Aghhh! No! God no! Dammit! Focus, Toushiro, focus! Remember Hinamori! Hinamori!! Hinamori with her beautiful hazel eyes, Hinamori with her shoulder-length hair, Hinamori with her kindness, her sweetness, her whole being-ness!! Not this, not this—this _thing_!

Kuchiki Rukia is evil!

That snapped him out.

He should be furious, disgusted, violated—touched! He wasn't even supposed to have any contact with this…this—this person! This bane of his existence, the person he did not even have any shred of liking for!

But no, his thoughts were cut short when the woman in front of him suddenly leaned forward and thumped her forehead against his and breathe in deeply. What the hell?! He blushed, but decidedly kept his eyes closed as the raven head showed no signs of moving…or mocking him.

He was just too tired to argue right now, and this…this seems…nice. At least when she's not talking or blabbing nonsense and all that crap, Kuchiki Rukia could be quite peaceful, in an odd sweet kind of way.

"You know," she started, "I could teach you French kissing—"

Oh, there goes anger—

He pulled back and—THWAP!

"Oww!"

"You idiot!"

"Oh come on! Don't tell me you didn't enjoy that!?"

"…" he looked at her in petrified mortification, all beliefs of sensitivity from this woman gone from the proverbial window.

"Okay, fine." She coughed, and did she just blushed? "Maybe that was too risqué—"

SMACK!

"Oww! Okay! That's it! What is your problem, fluffy!?"

"That's my question! What are you trying to prove by-by-by ki-ki-kissing me!!"

"That's my next agenda."

Promoting herself from the toilet bowl kissing? Okay…nope, did not register in his brain.

"What?"

"You've passed my exam."

The hippo rates exam?

"Huh?"

"It's about high time I let you off on your own. To spread you wings and explore the—"

"What the hell are you talking about!?"

Exactly, what the hell was she talking about? She didn't even seem ruffled or the least bit…disturbed from their earlier…excursions. Not that he was thinking of such nightmarish thing! No, not know! But rather as to how he felt a little…weird over the fact that she didn't seem affected by the kiss.

Like…she'd done it before many times, with many others. And not that he minded! And no he wasn't jealous!

Rukia on the other hand…didn't know what to think. She didn't even know what came over her! All she wanted was to make her point across and to shut him up. What came next was a meld of colors and sweetness that she didn't even realize that she had almost deepened the kiss, before the white-haired male pulled back.

Such a thing never happened to her before, and the only way she could think of putting back things to normal, and to put them into focus was to steer clear of the event and to more important things. And that's because Kuchiki Rukia did not think that kissing this puberty-deprived idiot any fun.

Although he could've been a great kisser with a few practice and—ahh!

'_Rukia! What is wrong with you!? What happened to don't mix business with pleasure!?' This is strictly business! Get it together!'_ Inhaling deeply, and erasing all nefarious thoughts pertaining to a white-haired male (but not completely) a devilish smile came over Rukia's face, as she whipped out two carnival tickets from her pockets.

Business will be business. "An exclusive date with Hinamori Momo."

Emerald eyes widened.

"And you will ask her tomorrow."

Oh no.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Back to the shocked and temporarily dazed classroom.

"Did she just…"

"Yeah."

"What's his full name, ID number and apartment complex?"

"Why?"

"No reason," Ichigo gritted his teeth.

"Just…visiting."

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Two days later, Friday: 11: 27 AM. Three minutes to 2 hours Lunch Break.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:--

He was furiously scribbling down all the assignments for the coming week…granted it was going to be a holiday for the whole week in between semesters. Hitsugaya Toushiro will not pass up the opportunity to finish his duties as child-genius and of course…like hell he'd (rather) spend the day with that lazy, flea-brained, midget—

A soft tapped of a crumpled piece of paper caught his attention as it squarely landed to where he was taking notes. He furrowed his brows and looked up at the direction of where the paper had been projected and—

Found Kuchiki Rukia mouthing "read it," while a classmate from behind snickered. The incident from two days ago was left out to die somewhere from the back of his mind. He didn't even dared touch the topic or even think about it. It was now strictly taboo, it was just a nightmare personified into reality.

A really, really bad reality.

And now now he had to clear up another misunderstanding of how Kuchiki was asking him how "the night went." Why couldn't she wait for three minutes before the bell rings?!

Rolling his eyes, he discretely straightened the ball of paper and met with…sharpie red- painted, distorted bunnies…or were they worms? He couldn't tell.

Not if you squinted, or even tilt your head at a 90 degree angle, the bunny with frilly-like dress (that look like dead squiggles) and the halo over the exaggeratedly large head and banana ears was nothing but a headache for him to decipher.

And on the bubble note was short of reading a damn hieroglyphics.

What the hell was this!?

The muscles in his brow twitched as he grinded his teeth, scribbling back an answer…or rather a complaint, as he threw it back a swiftly as possible over his head.

—_Kuchiki, I don't speak in stupidity_.—

—_Fluffy! You're no fun! -.- XDXD Sooo! You gotta talk to Momo-chan today! And don't you dare back out on me_.—

The angry bunny was murderous to his eyes-added that to the red pen, Toushiro rolled his eyes and answered.

—_I_ _did not agree to that stupid plan of yours, don't bother me_.—

—_Yeah, you did!—_

—_I did not.—_

—_You did too!—_

—_I'm not going to have this argument with you, Kuchiki.—_really, he was having a damn migraine just by looking at her doodles that was made by a two year old.

—_But you will talk to Momo!—_

—_I won't.—_

—_You will!—_

It was a furry of paper ball activity as both passed the other notes in such an inhumane speed.

But what came next worried him.

It stopped.

Or more likely…she stopped pestering him, it was either scary or that he was lucky, but knowing the raven haired girl…Toushiro could very well place the "too good to be true" phrase under her category.

As the bell rang signaling the end of the day, a knowing look came over her face, Toushiro blanched.

Making a quick bee line towards Hinamori with a gleeful, "Momo-chan! Can I talk to your for a second?"

The next thing was a blur of action.

* * *

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

* * *

Ugh, finally! Though not so suspenseful a cliffie, but I hope I delivered it up to standards. I do hope the progress of this fic will come by faster. I hope i followed narqy's style of writing. -.- Lastly, I would like to thank the peoples from the Hitsu/Ruki Army, (all the wonderful people I've met) XD whom despite their persistence, they are dedicated and devoted to the hitsu/ruki couple. I must say, if you like the couple, why not join the Hitsu/Ruki Army? XDXD Well I hoped I didn't ruin my views for this story as far as I made it. lol, but I'm sure someone as brilliant as narqy could pull it off in the next chappie!:)

…If I love reviews, I think she'd be "in love" with it. XD


	14. Bleeding Love

She was insane. Yes, I think we've established that from the first chapter, but Toushiro just wanted to confirm to everyone...

Kuchiki Rukia was _demented_! Wrong in the head! Lose Screw! A damned—mffrrmm…mfffrpphh…Raaaawwwwrrrr!!! The little bitch dared to—to—!! Arrgghhh! He can't even think of a better, morbid, ugliest thing to say to her after so much of a-a-a…Where's a tall building when you need one!? He needed to push someone off it!

"Come off it, whitey! You don't have to thank me!"

That was it…he'd hit a record.

"What the hell do you mean by "thank" _you_!?!

"That you'd be dead meat without me…?" She popped an eye open after cupping her ears from his apparent blast of steam. Really, she did everything according to (her) plan, in fact he should be thanking her. Without her guidance, suave, and obvious sexy flare, he would never even talk or look at Momo from a five-mile distance—

"Which part should I be thankful for you of? You crazy bitch!!!" Hitsugaya Toushiro famed boy genius (see chapter one) love-struck child, puberty-deprived, and short-tempered seventeen year old was at the verge of committing murder at a certain someone…was _pissed_.

Of course we don't occasionally see this side of him. But this time, he was really, _really_ pissed.

Like…Mike Tyson "I'll-rip-off-your-ear" pissed.

Honestly.

Rukia…unfortunately did not foresee the oncoming Dragon of Hades. In fact, she thought it was kinda cute. Wait—_whoah_! Hold the phone for the fire truck! Where'd that come from?

"Fluffy, seriously—"

A laser beam coupled with a shotgun accuracy of "do or die" glare of death stopped the raven head from momentarily poking fun at her objective. He could not stand this, he _won't_ stand for it! Striding quickly as far a way as possible, Toushiro couldn't possibly talk to her without probably doing some collateral damage to some passersby or inanimate objects.

"Waaaiiittt up!" and like an annoying mother chick, Rukia followed, "Dude! Seriously, we gotta prep up for your date! Heaven knows you're gonna have another Nasal Aggravation Syndrome Attack, also called NASA—"

"Shut up!!!"

_Fifteen minutes ago:_

Oh hell no.

She did not just—

"Momo-chaaaaan!"

This was not on the script! He didn't sign up for this—What was she—!?

"H-hai? Ku-Kuchiki-san?" the brown-haired beautiful girl of his dreams—Gaahh! Damnit! This wasn't the time to be thinking of poetic things to say! He was in the middle of stopping the evil bitchy midget from daring to possibly ruin his love—

"Momo-chaaaan! Toushiro has something to ask you!"

—life?

The only miracle for today was that everyone had filed out to leave the classroom…but like they said: one smile from the devil must mean an angel has fallen…or whatever fortune cookie he read that from.

Damn, stupid Kuchiki was getting to him.

Now normally…and in the level of him not yet hitting puberty…_back then_, Toushiro was proud to say that he could talk to Hinamori without any qualms. In fact, he was pretty comfortable around her and even very familiar on how and what to talk to her. But as he came into realization for his love to her and the blind devotion suddenly led him standing like an idiot whenever he talks to her…just hit him.

He was scared.

Sure! You may think he was a coward for just suddenly realizing you like the girl and everything she does and say had you running Shakespearean lines in your head. But he didn't know when it started. Just the fact that whenever he was put on spotlight with her…all puberty aside—He can't freaking talk to her straight in the face!

Why?

He had no idea.

But talking to Hinamori Momo, especially—the pivotal point of which he discovered her and that four-eyed-molester sharing a smooch had initially…put him into a Nervous Breakdown whenever she was around. Maybe it was because the famed nightmarish "kiss" his best friend and most hated enemy had shared had made him…well…into some kind of, made him—sick?

Yeah. Like…having internal gas constipation.

He couldn't imagine having that nerd (though Toushiro would say he's a geek cuz...geeks are just cooler-sounding than nerds. It's far more catchy with a "Geek Squad" than the "nerd squad") of a professor kissing ever angelic, beautiful, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious woman like Momo would fall for that Mr.-long-legged-pervert-with"sexy"-glasses-and-fake "sexy"James Bond British accent-with-his-damned-holier-than-though-plum-colored-scarf-with-matching-hair gel!!

He was only six inches taller anyways!

"Toushiro-chan?"

Her smooth brown locks cascaded to one side as she cocked her head adorably, her face glowing in such an ethereal look that he couldn't help but sigh at the thought of how smooth—

"Whitey!"

"Huh!? Wah?"

Rukia's raised brow and amused grin alerted him…that the angel of his dreams was held captive by this devil-wearing Harajuku—

"Ahem," Rukia shared him a knowing smile, as she turned back on Momo with a sugar-painted face. "As I was saying! Momo-chaaaaaaaan! I need a favor! But ooohhh! I can't possibly burden you with my own burdensome burdens!"

'_Crocodile tears…'_ Toushiro popped a vein. He seriously doesn't know what she's planning, but for her to fool Momo like this—_'Tch! Who would believe such a fake! Momo's smarter than that, you idiot. She won't fall for your—'_

"Ku-Kuchiki-san! It's okay! Wh-What is it? I'll try to help the best I can!"

'_Ohohoho!_' Rukia grinned inwardly, '_Bless you, Momo.'_

"This weekend! I-I know it's not that hard, but please! Tell me if you can't do it! It's perfectly alright! Only my fragile useless life is hanging in balance, anyways…" dramatic sniff, "because…I-I-I have to visit a very important and life-threatening business with my family, that may just break my heart and depressed me for the rest of my life! And had me taking Thursday therapy sessions with a crazed-molesting professor singing I hate how much I love you songs! I am sorry to inconvenience you!"

Rukia turned the girl by her shoulders, ready for the win. "Only Momo-chan is able to do this and no one else!"

In the corner, it was safe to say that Toushiro's face had matched his hair.

He couldn't believe it.

Why couldn't they see the huge evil horn and that pointy little tail, and that red devil suit she's wearing!? Why!?! How!?

"N-n-no! It's fine, Kuchiki-san! I'll do whatever it is! I-I don't want you to suffer! I-I'm sure I could be of some help, just ask me anything!"

The twinkling glint behind the faux tears almost had Toushiro running with Momo and away from whatever doomful idea the younger Kuchiki had. Sadly, before he even mustered up any courage to speak directly to his love of his life—

"That's great! Oh please! Then can you go out with my boyfriend this weekend?"

Let's just thank the fates no one was either eating or drinking anything after that statement.

…

"EEEEHHHHH!?!?"

Toushiro shared Momo's look of utter confusion and shock.

"B-b-b-b-b-boyfriend!?!"

Momo asked in complete bemusement and distress.

Toushiro asked in clear murder and vehemence.

Rukia giggled (in the most hated school-girl fashion) as she batted her lashes, bit her lip, and rubbing the back of her head in complete innocence and naivete—in Momo's eyes, but Toushiro could almost clearly see her plotting the death of the next sacrificial lamb.

"A-a-a-ano…" Momo's eyes were whirling as she tried to calm her frazzled nerves, "W-w-wouldn't t-that b-be—"

"It's alright, Momo-chan!"

Toushiro now finally understood the phrase "don't go near the light," as the convincingly sincere smile was headed his way, with Rukia smacking him playfully on the shoulder, as if introducing both of them for the first time.

"I don't think there'd be any awkward moments with you two!" She said it so nonchalantly…"After all! You two are _just_ best friends," Rukia swung her arm at Momo-chan and the already stiff white-haired male.

"B-b-but—"

"No worries! You'll just sub for me going to the carnival this Golden Week!"

"E-e-eeeh!? K-K-Kuchiki-san I-I can-can't po-po-possibly—" Momo stuttered weakly with a third-degree burning blush.

"But…" the raven head sniffed onto the stock-still white haired male's shoulder, "You said you'd do anything for me…I-I guess…sharing th-that atrocious therapy session with that-that…"

And poor, generous, lovely Momo—like any fragile, ancient old structure…cave in under pressure.

"N-No! I'll do it! I'll do it for Kuchiki-san and Toushiro-chan!" Momo nodded enthusiastically, gripping both the raven head and the younger male's hands as she devoted herself to her promise. A promise that didn't much make sense anyways...as Momo latered pondered upon it.

"Really!? Oh that's so great! Darling Shi-chan! Did you hear?!—" Rukia did a major hula dance in her mind as she turned to her charge who— "Ehhhhhh!?!"

"Oh my god! Toushiro-chan! Your nose is bleeding!"

* * *

"Kfffttt…" Rukia's shoulders shook, "I mean having a nose-bleed—"

It was only thanks to her quick, super reflexes that she (forcefully) dragged the younger male from further embarassment, all the while distracting the young woman of their venues as she hauled the nose-bleeding boy by the collar. Still...she hoped Momo bought her excuse that Toushiro was flushing out blood cells in his nose was "normal" because of his something or rather insert medical term here. Hmmm...now that she thought of it, was menorrhagia a blood-related disease? It terribly sounded like menstruation...stupid fox-faced must've tricked her again with his stupid sex-ed's!

"You…you—" And yes, he was still wordlessly pissed. He wanted to say so many things. The fact that she embarrassed him in front of the whole campus, mocked his love life, de-virginized his first kiss (twice), made a fool out of him…and now, now the camel had broke it's back.

_Thoroughly _humiliating him in front of Momo.

"Yes, yes, I know you're speechlessly thankful for letting me score you a date with Momo—"

"You did not! You-you—_you_--!!?" he spluttered, glaring at her heatedly and quickly turning away as he downed his milk angrily.

But even all of his frustration, hate and the plethora of curses that could make a new dictionary for her evil bitchiness…he was, begrudgingly (and hatefully!)…thankful. That was it and after blowing off some steam earlier he had calmed down and assessed the situation that it wasn't so bad (if you take out the nose-bleeding incident, that one was _partly_ his fault, damned hormones!). Still…why the heck did she follow him all the way to his dorm room and ended up drinking milk like alcohol shots? It was odd…they might make good drinking buddies in the future…maybe.

He was just grateful (though he doesn't want to admit it), he never would've thought that he'd see Momo with that determined and faithful look on her face as she took his hands. It had been too long since she looked at him, and only _him_. Maybe…maybe this week will be good for him after all.

"Well, with that wistful look of yours, I bet deep down in your heart, you're thankful. So I'll accept that." Rukia grinned, nodding her head in approval, while totally missing the white-haired male glowering menacingly at her direction.

"Hmph," he rolled his eyes. "I could've done it myself."

"Really?" Rukia leaned in interest, pouring herself and her comapnion another shot of milk. "And leave you in a puddle of nose blood before you'd get a step behind her? Not taking my chances on that fluffy."

"I doubt you did any better. You fake."

"Me? Fake? Fluffy—"

"Shut Up!"

"You're just jealous 'cuz I make crocodile tears look damn good."

"Tch, even Tousen-sensei could see a screw loose behind your act."

"What's this you're discriminating against disabled people now? That's low—"

"That's not what I meant, you—"

Toushiro paused, feeling his phone vibrate in his pants pocket.

"Anyways! You better not nose bleed in front of Momo again. I should pack you some tissues—"

"Whatever—" he flipped his phone nonchalantly, "Hello?—"

"I mean it's hard enough that your date with me sucked horribly—"

_"Hitsugaya-san."_

A cold shiver ran down Toushiro's spine.

"Whiteeeeey! You must bring her to Italian food! Seriously! Our last date was total disaster, bring lots of dough, you hear! And if you can, bring extra for a love hotel. Though I doubt you'd go that far—"

_"It has been a long time hasn't it."_

"K-K-Ku-Kuchiki-san!" Hitsugaya's face was as ashen as his hair, as panicking and trying to alert the younger raven head to shut up.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaat my lovely boy toy?" Rukia raised any eyebrow at the funny impersonation of her brother's stick up his ass look that…—her eyes widened.

_"Is Rukia with you—"_

"Nii-sama!?!"

Click. Beep, beep, beep…

* * *

I know what you're all thinking!? Narquotic...you damned sexy genius you! lolz Okay, yes you may take some parts of my shirt for souvenir and revenge for the evil cliffie, yes you may have questions that I won't answer, yes my Mary Poppins slip up is murder-worthy, yes you may smack me with the parodish Leona Lewis love song title, and yes you can order toaster-ovens from me, but no you may not have my muffins and my Bya-kunichi!!! lolz XD

Actually I dedicate this chapter to my lovely Yousha-taicho, if you see any of some HITYLTIHY references in there it's because I made this with her in mind lolz. I luvvles you!!! :3 Actually I thought this chap should be the Omake but plot-wise I featured this for now, mebbe next chappie, yousha-taicho and I shall execute an Omake with HITYLTIHY. On this note I hope ya'll enjoyed this rather late update! but hey! Can't say I didn't update at the end of the year buwahahahah!!

Med. Term Vocab:_ Menorrhagia_: excessive bleeding during menstruation. ~I am So Evil.~ XD

My muse is back! Seriously! Cuz I made this chapter in less than four hours, yes I know I must've have a high IQ lolz JKJK! Taichooo! Please pop my blip off. -.- XD now Thanks to all those who revved me and put on favs/alerts! So cadoodles for now! Luvvles! :3


	15. Wicked Philanthrophy

Shock emerald eyes met wild violets as Rukia and Toushiro stared back down at the object of doom (namely the caller) and back to staring at each other in mortification.

"Nii-sama!?"

"Kuchiki-dono!?"

"What the hell!?" Why'd you picked up!?" Rukia glared at the white haired male and slapped him over the head.

"Oww! You idiot you're the one who hang up!" Toushiro spat venomously, "Now he thinks _I_ did it! And there goes my scholarship!!"

"Who cares about your scholarship!? Down goes my social life!" Rukia made a horrified face, "Oh my god! I'm gonna be like...like," she turned back to her companion-turned-enemy, and pointed an incredulous finger at him, "You! He would think I'm just fooling around and mooching of people and not doing anything productive in college and—"

"Isn't that what you're doing right now—"

"Fool!" the raven head hissed as she threw him an empty milk carton. "He's gonna hammer me to be like you! An introverted, antisocial, stick-up-my-ass-bookworm!! My youth is ruined! Ruined!!!"

"What the hell are you talking about!? First of all, you'd possibly die first if you even "try" to be as smart as me—"

"Stick-up-your-ass-bookworm!!"

"That's not the point!" Toushiro stood up fiercely as Rukia did the same as they were nearly nose-to-nose, "Heh! But I guess it's a good thing if Kuchiki-dono _did_ find out that you're slacking in class! And since you took up being my "wicked philanthropist," My life is far worse!"

"Hah! You should be thankful that _I_ at least took the time of the day to even help _you _with your love life!"

"Who asked for it!?"

"Your sorry ass who can't even get laid!"

"L-l-laid—?! That's not—"

An abrupt knock jolted both individuals from their squabble, as their faces mirrored each other's shocked expressions.

"He couldn't be here that fast, could he!?" emerald eyes widened.

"If it's nii-sama, I wouldn't be too surprise if he flew the jet himself without a license..."

Toushiro could only blink at her, but could not find any trace of humor in her otherwise scarily serious face. And Byakuya running a jet amok...was pretty darn frightening. Granted the man was always calm and collected, but when it comes to his sister...he'd heard rumors that he took a bear down one time when Rukia went out camping by herself. Wait...what?

Anywaaaays, Rukia was quick to think as she whirled the white-haired male to his room, "Where's your closet?!"

"To the left--Wait! What!? You're hiding!?"

"Of course I'm hiding! If nii-sama saw me with an underage bookworm freak like you, he'd think we're doing some hanky-panky—"

"Whaaaaat!?"

"Shut up!"

"Rukia! I know you're in there!"

"Quick! Get this futon off-" the two swiftly pulled out the gigantic lump of blankets from the closet...unfortunately other piles of crap went crashing down the floor with them as they lost their balance.

...

...

"Fluffeeh ya shuck. What shit didja putsh up there? Encyclopedia Volumes 1-10?" Rukia's voice was muffled as she was buried underneath cotton country.

"Shaapth up." the white haired male struggled trying to breath as Rukia seemed to have her dead weight right across his chest

"Oi! Short-cake get your ass out of there!!"

A loud banging ensued.

"Alright we're coming in!"

BANG!

"They didsh not jush shlam my door open..."

"I thinksh they shdid. Holy Craaap! I cantsh breaaaaatheee!" Rukia squirmed, trying to find salvation or any light from the dark tunnel for her to breathe, pawing and elbowing certain parts of the younger male that had him screaming in both pain and partly because he was ticklish at some points.

"Shtop that! You're movingsh too muush!"

Ichigo, Renji and Grimmjow quickly scanned the tidied room, eyes scanning the living room.

Renji was sure he heard a crash earlier, but he might've been wrong because Grimmjow just put his feet and bat to good use breaking down the door.

"I think they're here," Ichigo quietly and cautiously as possible opened the door to their right...

"Aha!" Rukia found enlightenment in the form of breathing as she ducked her head out of the fluffy confinements of the futon and...

...

...

...

"R-Rukia..." her dumbstruck berry boys couldn't be more shocked.

"You stupid bitch! Get off me!" Toushiro untimely made his appearance and yanked the sheets off his face, revealing their position to the world...that was less than appropriate.

Yeah, well it wasn't that much of a surprised to see Rukia on the batter position.

Er, I mean—!

Scratch _that_, her berry boys _did_ find it...infinitesimally outrageous.

"Gaaaaahhh!!! What the hell are you two doing!?" Renji spluttered as he pointed with a twittering bug eye.

Ichigo swiftly kicked the futons off the two "lovers" and easily hauled Rukia by the waist and carried her like a sack of potatoes by his side.

Grimmjow then put a foot down on Toushiro's chest, and the metal bat hanging precariously over his head, a mad gleam in Grimmjow's eyes told him the white-haired male was not going to leave unscathed.

"The fuck," the slowly deliberate way Grimmjow put pressure on his chest had him gasping, "Were you trying to do, shorty?"

Temporary fear and slight gulp jolted him out of his situation, gripping the blue-haired man's foot and applying pressure of his own. "Hey! What the hell get off me! I'm not the one at fault here!"

"Then what the hell were you doing to Rukia!? You punk!" Renji launched at him.

"Boys, hey..."

"You sick bastard, trying to get Rukia in here." Ichigo glared daggers at him.

"I wasn't the one who invited her! She invited herself! And what the hell do you care!?"

"Hey, Strawberry put me do—"

"Oh don't try to make excuses! We saw it, dumbass!"

"Tell us the truth boy genius or I'll have your brains on this floor."

"Try it," Toushiro smirked, gripping Grimmjow's foot harder, as the elder male held in a wince. Interestingly enough, maybe this shorty's not going down as easy. Grimmjow grinned. Well then he was more than glad to oblige— "Asshole."

"That's it! You little—!!"

"STOP IT! YOU IDTIOS!!"

Rukia effectively elbowed Ichigo on his side as he keeled over. She then promptly stood up to smack Grimmjow's head and taking the bat from him to whacked it on Renji's face who was about to resume attacking their prey.

"That's enough!"

"What..." Ichigo couched violently, standing to his feet, "The hell was _that_ all about!?"

"Oh, wow, Ichigo do I have to educate you on sex?" Rukia rolled her eyes, every word dripping with obvious sarcasm, that went unnoticed by all her audience, "Why making love of course—"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!?!?!?!"

She could've sworn the whole room was about to collapse.

Toushiro couldn't turn any more purple than he already was. In this state he looked more like an eggplant than a victimized, accused, and abused...uhh victim?

"Not it was not! You! You, Rukia! SHUT UP!"

"Rukia!?" Renji screeched, the red bat implant looked oddly funny on his face, "Since when the hell were you on first name basis!?"

"That's not the problem here, Abarai! _She_ came to _my_ room!"

"You invited!" Rukia supplied helplessly, as he spat fiery glares at her. She was clearly enjoying this.

"And what the fuck were you doing before we came here!? Punk!" Grimmjow hauled him up with his collar.

"We weren't doing anything!" He was getting exasperated and really, really pissed as he yanked himself off of the blue crazed psycho.

"Oh yeah! And what was she doing on top of you!?" Ichigo turned the white haired male's towards him.

Wasn't this situation where their "position" suggests he was clearly the victim?? He was pinned down by _her_ for god's sake! Not the other way around! At such a disgusting image, an unfiltered and unexpected of a shoujo-manga projected to his thoughts of him being girlishly pinned down (half-naked) as Rukia straddled him, laughing maniacally with an evil glint in her eyes and a fang poking out as she readied her whip—

Wait, NO!

"_She fell on me accidentally_!!"

"He was very forward..."

"Rukia! Shut the HELL UP!"

"Why you—!"

"Bahahahahaaa! No, no, no!" Rukia came right in time as he grabbed for Ichigo's arm, ready to pound the boy to pieces. "That was freakin funny! Ahahahahaaa!"

"What?" Renji's red-brow ticked convulsively, making it look like a squiggly worm in his otherwise bald and tattooed forehead.

"Nothing happened," she nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders and waved her hands in a negatively blasé manner, "You guys are just so easy to fool!"

"You bit—"

"But what the hell are you three doing here?" she each gave them pointed looks that reminded them of something akin to getting a can of ass whooping before a twenty foot grave.

"N-Nothing," Ichigo's turned his face away, scratching his neck, an obvious lie. "It doesn't concern—!"

"Che! Unlike you, we got some business here!" Grimmjow rubbed his, no doubt, bruised head.

"We came for a study session!" Renji insisted, "What's it to you!?"

"So...breaking the door down, "nearly" killing whitey, and manhandling me is anyway related to..." she paused, putting a guessing finger to her lips, "Studying Biology360 with potatoes and sour cream and hot warm tea under a kotatsu and having a great male bonding!? Right? Hahahahahah!" the boys awkwardly laughed along with her and—

"You're not fucking serious are you?" her violet eyes clearly spelled doomsday as all laughter was put aside and the evil bitch from hell had risen to kill three unsuspecting idiots—

"Hitsugaya-san?"

Well, it was a far outcry changed to people calling him " whitey, fluffy, and stick-up-your-ass-bookworm bastard" but Toushiro sure as hell did not think that the people in his room right now were anywhere close to give him such a respect.

He'd eat his futon.

Everyone blinked, eyes robotically looking behind the flimsy door that separates apocalypse and their mere mortal lives.

"N-nii-sama!" Rukia hissed, and all the boys in the room nearly peed their pants.

* * *

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*cough* My ultra smexy fragilisticiouslytious fine gift to my uber BBFF, honeybunchikins!...myself! lol No! Yousha-taicho, my love my sun, my moon! Instead of making an essay, I deliver my heart to you in a red lasso!

Of course while I've planned the omake, I thought I'd surprised you with this instead! Fear not for sexy Bya-kuns will have a special scene in the omake doing a threesome with us! For now, toodles! and loves to those who revs!:))


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